Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] Speaker A: All right. It did it again.
This is some weird matrixy.
We got to get off Skype. I don't know what's going on.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: It's a glitch.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: And go ahead and laugh at us because we're recording on Skype. Because you know what? We tried other ways, and this way is actually quite efficient. Yeah, I'm lazy, and I do much less editing this way. I mean, it's not like we really edit this podcast. When I say edit, I mean I run it through, like, a sound leveler and send it on its way.
[00:00:35] Speaker B: Dan, don't let them know what we do or don't do.
[00:00:39] Speaker A: I think if they listen to this podcast, they're pretty fucking aware that we don't edit this shit.
Listeners, this is new to you, and I already dropped see, I'm already cussing now because thinking about editing makes me kind of cuss.
Somebody suggested to me that we use, like, Descript or something to get rid of all the, UMS and uz.
Have you listened to the podcast? That would destroy it all. Like, if we put it in Descript and made it shiny, it would destroy the whole thing.
[00:01:12] Speaker B: It takes away all the I don't know, the nuances that make it real.
[00:01:19] Speaker A: Right? Well, the cool thing about this is our podcast is worth about as much as this issue of Destroyer Duck cost in 1982.
One dollars.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: One dollars? Yeah.
And if you were paying for it, if you were paying for this podcast, I'd buy that for a dollar.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: Is this podcast worth a dollar to you? No. We already know. So this was not a pitch for Patreon.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: Let's just that's why you're getting it for.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: It sounded like you were going there, right? It literally sounded like you were about to say, well, this is podcast over the dollar to you. You can sign up on Patreon. Sign up on Patreon. Super duper Greg and Dan feed, where we have an after show where we undress the duck.
[00:02:03] Speaker B: I mean, not to say that we wouldn't do that, because we could do that.
[00:02:08] Speaker A: Like our after show would just be you eating, like, green hot dogs or something.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: We would actually have to put the video content on there where I'm actually showing people the secret sauce, if you will.
[00:02:24] Speaker A: Well, maybe that is the after show is that is just eating.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: I'm sure people want to see me just do stupid I mean, people when.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: I do no commentary, though. Just you eating. Just me eating. Yeah. They never know what's going to happen. It could be you eating green hot dogs. It simply could be you be eating the lasagna that you put in the slow cooker, like, I don't know.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Or what was it?
I did the chili cook off last week for work where I made a really nice chili, and then my wife was like, oh, hey, this is really good. Are you actually bringing this to work? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, no, you're not. And she immediately poured half of it into containers and left me with not enough to bring to the chili cook off. So then I had to be that guy. So I opened up a can of Nally's chili and then poured that into the chili that I made.
[00:03:27] Speaker A: There's still Nally's chili. That still yeah, yeah, there is.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: I had it in the bunker stash, so I pulled that out. It was a big Know family.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: Wait, what year was this Nally's chili in the bunker stash?
[00:03:40] Speaker B: Know? That's questionable.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: I don't think I've seen Nally's chili on the mean not that I'm looking.
[00:03:45] Speaker B: When I opened it and it came out it came out in a.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: And.
[00:03:51] Speaker B: It made a splurp sound.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: And you brought this to work and fed it to people?
[00:03:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:58] Speaker A: Well, I think that's a transition.
[00:04:02] Speaker B: It was fine.
It was still in date.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: I think that's a perfect transition to Destroyer deck number three because it destroyed some toilets. It comes out in a log.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: It does come out in a log.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: No, this is and it smells really yeah.
[00:04:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: Well, we have cover.
I so we're back into Destroyer Duck number three. We are still in the graphite edition put out by Tomorrow's Publishing, which is freaking fantastic. We've got the original Kirby pencils on here, and we've got on the COVID some notes from Steve Gerber. And it says, we are looking into the apartment through the eyes of someone standing in the doorway. See, I don't even have to describe the COVID because I can just read Gerber's description of the COVID This someone is holding two mammoth pistols, one in each exceedingly large male hand. So in effect, not affect effect. In effect, we are looking down the barrels of these guns. The guns are pointed at Duke, Brad, and Cherry's Jubilee. Who? Two of these characters we don't know yet in costume, who are central figures of the COVID Duke and Cherries are starting to charge at the man holding the guns. Brad is frozen with fear, clutching the vanilla cupcake telephone to his bosom.
Now, I will say we had heard that Jack Kirby cannot draw duck bills.
[00:05:32] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:05:32] Speaker A: I'm going to make an argument. He did also not chose not to draw a vanilla cupcake telephone. I think he just gave it vanilla cupcake.
But this is cool. I love this because these are things like you would write to your artist, right?
[00:05:45] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. No, totally.
I would write something like this to any of the artists that I work with.
Here's a description of what I want.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: I love these inside looks. Well, we get the first page. Destroyer, Duck, manslaying, Mallard on a mission of vengeance and the title of Pheromones Pheromones. And we have freaking amazing it's.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: There's so many lines going on.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: One, it looks like he's coming through cellophane.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:23] Speaker A: But this is how Jack Kirby draws him waking up after being poisoned by the giant barbecue forks. Right. And it says granite walls, excluding the light. The ancient era is fetted, unbreathable cobwebs cling to his face and beak. He is suffocating and the guardians of this place, a horn headed jackal and a falcon with the visage of Medea Bleat and cackle their approval. So he's losing it, and then oh, well, we find out it's because he's actually in a bag.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:07:01] Speaker A: And he's in a body bag. And he's in a body bag at an animal shelter, actually, just like it's a portable animal shelter, I guess.
[00:07:10] Speaker B: Yeah, it looks like it.
[00:07:12] Speaker A: And there's one angry dog who apparently bit off his owner's nose, which I'm going to imagine he probably wants to eat ducks, too.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Probably.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: Generally dogs. Dogs. I think ducks are kind of the natural enemy of dogs, at least of my dog.
[00:07:28] Speaker B: Dogs like ducks.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: Ducks are taking I don't know if they like they like to eat them. Yeah.
Or they like to retrieve them for me, which I don't even know if they want to eat them. But definitely she wanted to retrieve a duck for get, uh, he's in a body bag. And Duke says, promise myself a nom, wouldn't be caught dead in one of these. So new thing about Destroyer doc, I didn't know he was in Vietnam.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: I think that's in that first issue when he was in the war, that was supposed to be I thought he.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: Was like a soldier of fortune.
[00:08:03] Speaker B: Yeah. But I think that was like when you read the background information and stuff like that, that Gerber had put together, it was implying that in his universe, he was in Vietnam.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: Well, that makes sense for here, because now the dog immediately breaks out and lunges at his throat, but he stuns the canine, and they're fighting on top of the truck. And then he runs off and they storm into a cafe and make some dude really mad.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:43] Speaker A: And there's an off color remark we're going to pass by on that page.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: Jump over it.
[00:08:48] Speaker A: It was 1981. I don't know that it makes it right, but it was 1981.
Anyway, we get a big fight between the duck and the dog. And honestly, too, I like this fight sequence because it wasn't what I was expecting. Leading off the book we had just ended with Medea being triumphant over Duke. I didn't expect them to just leave him for dead. I also didn't expect a fight between a duck and a dog. But mean it, they are natural. So right. And Duke escapes through a fire escape and he busts into a room, and what the hell? There are telephones everywhere.
[00:09:25] Speaker B: Everywhere.
[00:09:26] Speaker A: And we get a guy that walks out and he says, Barrel, is that you? I was waiting. I didn't hear you. And okay, so they use that other word, but well, anyway, we get a conversation between our new character and the duck, who apparently, based on the COVID information we know as this is Brad.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah, Brad.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: Don't you think we need a Trent in here to go with a Brad?
[00:09:54] Speaker B: Probably.
[00:09:55] Speaker A: Isn't Trent the name for every villain in an 80s teen movie?
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Trent? Yeah.
[00:10:03] Speaker A: What would Brad be? Is Brad the hero, or is Brad like the partner? The buddy.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: The buddy. The buddy.
[00:10:10] Speaker A: But Trent is definitely like I mean Trent. What was that? Was that K Two?
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I think not. K Two.
Better off dead.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: Not K two. Better off dead.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Better off dead.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: Better off dead.
[00:10:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:24] Speaker A: No. What about K Two?
[00:10:26] Speaker B: K Two? You're talking about the one where the two friends go off in the van.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: To go I was talking about where they have the skiing race that's Better Off Dead. Oh. What's? K two.
[00:10:36] Speaker B: K two movie. That's our Aspen extreme where they go to do the K Two.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Okay, that's not a race.
[00:10:47] Speaker B: And they're two best friends, they leave, like, the East Coast where they're the hot shit ski guys, and then they go to Aspen, and the one guy, the one friend ends up getting mixed up with some drug dudes, and then the other friend is like, I got.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: To save you, but seems different.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: Well, it's very different.
[00:11:11] Speaker A: Seems much more serious. Yeah.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: Better Off Dead is the one where John Cusack is like, I got to see this. I can do this. I can race you down. Got you.
Much more fun and would be so.
[00:11:25] Speaker A: Angry with me right now.
[00:11:26] Speaker B: Yeah, probably. But the hill, I think they call.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: It the K Two. Okay. Well, there we go. All right. So with all of that back knowledge, we're in a room full of telephones.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: Way off Brad and his telephones.
[00:11:42] Speaker A: He's got okay.
[00:11:43] Speaker B: Sometimes.
[00:11:46] Speaker A: Our listeners should be picking up that you actually have way more of the useful background information for these podcasts. So, like, it's like a reversal of worlds. And I thought you were just going to be dropping knowledge about Howard the Duck, but no, it's like the whole history of Strawberry Shortcake and now correcting me on Movies, and this is fantastic. I had no idea.
[00:12:07] Speaker B: And Better Off Dead, they do all this really cool animation and stuff like that to John Cusack's Crazy Hamburger Experience, and then in one Crazy Summer, they use the same animation type in that movie as well.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: Well, do you think in any of those movies they would have a character that hoards telephones? Because that's what we're looking at right here.
[00:12:34] Speaker B: Oddly enough, in one Crazy summer, there's an uncle who keeps the phone line open because he's trying to win a radio contest.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Isn't it Real Genius, where the guy entered all the contests? Yes, correct.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: In Real Genius, he was the real genius by entering all the contest, and he wins all the contest goes away.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: At the end of the movie after the house blows up with popcorn.
[00:13:02] Speaker B: Yes. Which well, odly, enough. I have a really nice art piece done by somebody hanging over my door of that scene.
[00:13:13] Speaker A: Well, here I love that scene. It's one of my favorite things in all of movies. Now, here we have Brad.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: I like the scene with the jello.
[00:13:21] Speaker A: Brad, the phone. He hoards phones because he works for the phone company.
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:13:28] Speaker A: But he's quit and he just has the phones. But they were going to be gifts for people. And the only person knows that he's alive is Barrel Mudge, who lives upstairs, and he has a crush on her. So this guy is a shut in who used to work for the phone company and owns lots of phones.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: It tracks.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
Okay.
And he says, in fact, I bought her a very special phone because she's like my very own Vanilla Cupcake. And he's got a vanilla cupcake phone.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:13:57] Speaker A: Looks creepy as hell. Very, like, touching it.
[00:14:01] Speaker B: It's kind of like my Garfield phone.
[00:14:03] Speaker A: Yeah. And Duke is like, yeah, personally, I'm partial to tarts. I was like, weird, okay. And he's no, no. Vanilla Cupcake is a sweet fantasy girl. The sweetest, most charming little thing. The telephone looks just like her, and it's scented with the soothing aroma of vanilla, like all her products. So they're just driving home the Strawberry Shortcake relationship. If you missed it in the last issue, which I would have if you hadn't pointed it, definitely. It's here now.
And then he says, Here, take a whiff. She brings out the most lovable, vulnerable side of everyone. And Duke is Eyes Agap reading Vanilla Cupcake, a trademark of Entertainment Concepts Ltd. A subsidiary of God Corp.
Corpse. So is that like an army of God? Corps.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: It is the army of God corp god corpse.
[00:15:00] Speaker A: Well, meanwhile, at the hall of Meanwhile on Long Island, it really does say meanwhile. Meanwhile we get back to Wabalina. Remember that dancing leg lady?
[00:15:12] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:15:13] Speaker A: And she's having Medina escorted out.
Medina Sivalakis, a convicted child murderer, was hired as part of Godcorp's pioneering equal opportunity program for ex offenders. We never dreamed she would repay our generosity by slaughtering two policemen and endangering other innocent lives. And so, very similar to the second Star Wars movie, which is really the fifth Star Wars movie, the really cool villain from the last episode is defeated in one panel. Fuck you, Count Doku. You're done.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Done.
[00:15:46] Speaker A: And what did it make them in the first movie? Like, he beat the shit out of them in the first movie and then he's done in the second movie? In, like, a scene.
[00:15:53] Speaker B: In a scene. Yeah.
[00:15:54] Speaker A: Not that that bugged me at all.
[00:15:56] Speaker B: Not at all.
[00:15:57] Speaker A: But that happens here as well. Steve Gerber writes medea right out. I really think he did this just so we wouldn't do any he predicted the future, and he knew we'd want to do more medea jokes through the entire podcast.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: And he's like, nope, can't do it.
[00:16:12] Speaker A: Like Medea goes to jail. A Tyler Perry exclusive. Because I believe that one was actually a that was actually a movie, wasn't it?
[00:16:20] Speaker B: Yeah. And you can get that podcast on our patreon, right?
[00:16:26] Speaker A: The mid goes to jail. Podcast. If you just sponsor us with one dollars, you can sign up for our patreon at 8675 309. Com.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: Yeah. And then we'll have a video feed where you'll just watch me eat a.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: Canned chicken and learn about Medea. Yeah, it'd be fantastic.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: I will never eat patreon.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: You can reach out to us at 867-5309 you can use the area code.
There's no area code to that number.
[00:16:58] Speaker B: No, you could use the area code three 60.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: Isn't that Jenny's number?
[00:17:02] Speaker B: It is Jenny's number, but if you use the three 60, you will get a really nice person in Olympia, no joke.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: Of course you have. Well, of course you have.
God damn it. Okay, I'm going to have to cut that out. So well, maybe there will be some editing in this podcast, or maybe not, who knows?
Just defended half the world. Well, anyway, we run off Medea and Wobbly lady, that'd be WOBLY. Strangle legs.
Yeah. Medea says lies. Lies. They paid me to do this company's killing. You'll pay for the strangle legs. Mommy doesn't forget. Not creepy at all. And she's carted off and Wobblina said, now ladies and gentlemen, if you'll come with me, I would like to conclude this briefing on a positive note. And we get the other creepy mead packer. The other packer. I said the other mead. But it's the other packer.
And he's there. It looks like they've gotten vanilla cupcake off that strange operating table thing she was on before. And she is just gollywags uncle Mead, are all the nice people here to see me cupcakey keen. I'm like this. Just like not only is this creepy, the art with all of the vanilla cupcake stuff everywhere, the lunch boxes.
Hey, did you know Jack Kirby's really good? Yeah.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: You can see it in this panel.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: How long do you think it took him to draw this page?
[00:18:47] Speaker B: About ten minutes.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: There's just no way this is a day long page.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: Yeah, no, there's so much detail, so much stuff going on in here.
[00:18:58] Speaker A: I think maybe there's some other pages that took less time, but this one is and it's just a splash of all the shit they sell. Vanilla cupcake. And we get to another page. And now we get to more of the plot. So we get from Mead and the world loves vanilla cupcake. TM. This year the product has grossed nearly $1 billion, leaving her blue and strawberry competition far behind.
Again, if you didn't get that it was strawberry shortcake. Well, we've got it now.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: We've got it now.
[00:19:36] Speaker A: And we get an interesting conversation where vanilla cupcake is. Like we're traveling to Washington, in London, in Paris, and even Hocombe that's real far know. I'm even going to get a kiss from General. You saw Abelik. So yeah, we've got her interjecting herself into Middle East politics. It is interesting in the book, too, these two pages. I'm wondering I didn't see in the notes they look like they've been inked.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: So I'm wondering if they didn't have the original pencils for those two pages.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: Yeah, they might not have.
[00:20:06] Speaker A: Which kind of makes me sad because I would like to see the original pencils for that crazy splash. It also wouldn't surprise me if somebody got a hold of that and is holding it in their personal collection. Because that crazy.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:18] Speaker A: So we get some inside baseball with vanilla cupcake. We meet Jewel, her mom, in the next scene, couple scenes. And we find out that Jewel is that classic Hollywood mom controlling everything that happens to her daughter. And then we get to the bottom of the page and we the tortured vanilla cupcake because we saw her tortured last issue. Right. So she's not just being a spoiled brat. Like she's being literally tortured. And she know. Pulled your universal jointed tush out of the furnace, didn't I? Strangle legs. Maybe you can return the she's because she's distracting them from the controversy with medea. Right, right. And someday let them suck your glands dry instead of mine. So we start to get a hint of what's going on. So I'm guessing it seems like the scent for all the products may be coming from her is cupcake. We get that confirmed in a couple of pages so we're not spoiling too far ahead. Also with the pheromones title of the book. Kind of gives it away. Yeah.
And you know what? Remember how I said I was going to just clip stuff that's creepy as we go through this?
Yeah. I am clipping this wobblyna looking at a jewel here because that is hella creepy.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: Yeah. The way she's sitting with her wobbly arms.
[00:21:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: She looks like a spider.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: And we just get a kind of temper tantrum. Kind of like I don't even remember the woman's name, but there was that scam artist that kept dressing up as if she was young. She kept sneaking into high schools. This was a story like five years ago.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:03] Speaker A: This has that vibe going on with totally.
And anyway but she kind of stands up for herself and she's like, hey, my name is Opal. Not it doesn't have a TM after it. So we do find out her real name is Opal. And Mead's like, no, don't cry. We have a property we have to protect, a trademark.
And this is sort of terrifying.
I don't know. Sort of terrifying might not be the word very terrifying, but they also disclosed. Still, they have a lot to do in Hokum and that Mr. Upwind is counting on. Don't know. We know that Cogburn from last issue was in Hocombe, but we don't really know what they're doing there yet. So they haven't really given that away. So they're hanging us on that. And then we get to the next page, and it says a short while later, Beryl and I have spoken. We're back to Brad. Barrel and I have spoken only rarely. She is a very private person and quiet like me. And he knocks on the door, and the woman says, yes, who is it? Assuming that's it's Beryl, it's Brad from downstairs. Look, I have brought you a present. A telephone in likeness of and she punches him and she says, get that monstrosity out of my face or I'll tear it to bits with my teeth and shove its extremities down your sniveling throat. And she says, Shut up and go die. And slams the door. I was like, there's a lot of go dies in these.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: Yeah, go die.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: And Duke's like, so much for romance. Let's go home. And Brad is heartbroken, but Barrel comes back. Well, they go in, I guess. Stop right there. Pardon the intrusion, lady. But they go back in and they actually meet her and they find out why she went crazy when she saw the picture. Or saw the phone.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: Saw the phone, yeah.
She's got a lot of weapons stuff in there.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: Yeah, well, she has, if you'll recall. So Medea had a knife through a picture of Vanilla Cupcake and this lady has a knife through a picture of Jewel vanilla Cupcake's mom.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:24:19] Speaker A: I don't know if that'll play into the story at all.
[00:24:22] Speaker B: I don't know foreshadowing.
[00:24:23] Speaker A: There's so much here. By the way, I don't even think I saw that on the first pass. I think I saw that now.
Again, that Jack Kirby guy is really good. There's layers and layers here. I'm sure Gerber was talking about what to put in the pictures, too, but yeah. Jeez. Okay. So we find out.
She says she goes a little berserk when she sees those awful images of her sister. And Bret's like your sister's vanilla cupcake. And she's like and he's like, It's thrilling. She's like, It's not thrilling. You knitwit. And she's holding a hand grenade.
I just don't think I'd make the lady angry.
[00:25:00] Speaker B: No, not at all.
[00:25:01] Speaker A: But we get a fabulous flashback scene and we find out that this person is named Cherries Jubilee because she smelled like sweet cherries when she was born.
People loved her and they let her do anything she wanted. But of course, that meant her dad. As soon as she was away from folks, she didn't have her charm over them. So kind of pheromone powers.
There are other characters in comics with pheromone powers. Star Fox, who has not aged well at all. I can think of there was another one in the Legion called Charma for a minute.
The reason I bring Charma up is because or karma. It was either Charma or Karma, and I really think you could go with either way because her power was the same. It was a pheromone power that made men love her as she charmed them. So is it charma or so? But I bring her up because she debuted with, of course, everybody's favorite Legion villain, grimbor the Chainsman. See, you had no idea.
[00:26:11] Speaker B: Had no idea.
[00:26:12] Speaker A: Grimbor. I do think Grimbor the Chainsman would actually be an amazing character in this.
[00:26:18] Speaker B: I mean, or a character like Leather.
[00:26:23] Speaker A: You probably can't use grimbor.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: No, but you throw a leather daddy into anything and kids go crazy work. I mean, it's like, look at Masters of Universe.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: Well, she may have been the reason he started his crime spree, because he was charmed by her charmed.
[00:26:40] Speaker B: And he was like, that's it, I'm going to pull out these chains and do some damage.
[00:26:45] Speaker A: But very similar to this character, apparently she was murdered off panel. This character was not murdered, but she was murdered off panel by women in a women's prison because her power made women hate her.
And so we're seeing some similarities here. Yes, but her power made everybody like her. Right. So this was a little bit different then after experiencing this jewel, the mom gets pregnant again and the dad's like, yeah, I'm not having another kid with crazy pheromone powers. So he runs away and Vanilla Cupcake is born, who was originally named Opal. And they start experimenting on the children because mom sells them out to Godcorp mom, she sells them to Medical Concepts, a wholly owned subsidiary of, you know, and this is really interesting because I know this is a lot. So maybe you know at the time because this is probably more of your pop culture area, but I don't remember, I guess. Well, different. Oh, yeah, actually, I think I can pinpoint it exactly. This is pinning off of Different Strokes, isn't it? Because I was thinking more of the Ricky Schroeder stuff and some of the other stuff that came later in the 80s. Right. Was I'm thinking some of the stuff that came later? I was thinking this might be too soon, but are we who was the person that played Willis?
[00:28:08] Speaker B: Hold on.
[00:28:08] Speaker A: Different Strokes. Totally.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: Why can't I okay, my gosh.
[00:28:14] Speaker A: Kimberly. What's her name? Kimberly.
All the Different Strokes kids got in trouble. Yeah, the older kids did.
[00:28:22] Speaker B: I know his name is right there.
Oh, man, you put me on the spot. The name is right there.
[00:28:30] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I've got it. I'll get it. Pulled was. But yeah, it's Todd Bridges. Tod Bridges, dana plato. Yes. And I'm not sure what year she first got in trouble unless she started doing yeah, I feel like these things happen later, though. It looks like hers was she got married in 1984 to her boyfriend. So it seems like her troubles looks like they started in 1991 ish. Maybe his started sooner. But I feel like maybe this was just enough known. So maybe it wasn't different strokes. Maybe this is just a playoff of what's happening there. But anyway, this whole celebrity mom thing, it seems somewhat ahead of its time because I can't really pinpoint this right. This seems very honey boo boo esque.
[00:29:18] Speaker B: Well, you're forgetting a lot of the children actors from the white yeah, even before thenicello.
[00:29:35] Speaker A: Well, I don't think she had any issues.
[00:29:37] Speaker B: No, but I was going to say the R gang kids and stuff like that.
A lot of those kids, a lot of those kids were if they were on contract to be in the show and they had to be a certain size or act a certain way or they got rid of them. And a lot of them were they wanted them to cry on demand or on command. So a lot of times their parents would do things or say things to them before they would start to perform, to get them to act the way that they wanted them on screen, like, oh, did you know your dog died? Or it would cause them at that age, five to ten, they're going through a lot of traumatic stuff at that moment because they don't know what's real or not real, and you can only deal with so much stuff. And then there was one, one of the kids was the parents were basically doing a Monshausen syndrome type thing to keep the kid sickly looking because his character was sickly and they kept him sickly looking.
Super sad story because he ended up, after growing up, he was like, forget it, I'm done with acting, and stuff like that.
Got out of all that. He did the thing where you divorce your family and stuff, and then he joined the military to get away from stuff and prove that he could do live his own life. And then he died in an airplane crash.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: Yeah, there was other one like alfalfa, carl switzer. Switzer, he had a messed up life. Died at 31 penniless, basically, but got murdered anyway. Yeah, okay, I'm with you. So it could be it's like a combination of our gang and strawberry shortcake at this point.
[00:31:48] Speaker B: A lot of the child actors in the 70s that were at that time, too, where their parents I don't think they were like, all right, cool, you're making us money or you're making money, we'll take care of it for you. And those kids never saw know.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:06] Speaker B: I mean, Danny Bonaduchi. Great example.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: Great example. Well, tod Bridges, Dana Plato, even Gary Coleman to an extent. I mean, he had to go recapture his money, but those came a little bit later. That's why I was trying to pinpoint this, though. Right, but I think you nailed it with the R gang stuff and the little keeping kids.
[00:32:26] Speaker B: Yeah, r gang, little rascals. It's just definitely yeah, it fits.
If you're gerber and you're writing this in the 80s, that's your go to reference points is your own channel.
[00:32:41] Speaker A: And so we get a situation where so cherry escapes.
And then gets captured by the police and put in an insane asylum. And for a quick second, I thought we were going to find out that Cherry was.
[00:33:02] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I could see.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: That because it was the same right.
But we find out she escaped, and the reason she has all these weapons is she escaped the insane asylum and is now hauled up in this apartment trying to hide from the world.
And so her name is Barrel or Cherry, depending on how you know her. Yeah. And she says they also left a few psychological scores. I'm raving paranoid and prone to outbursts of violence, which is completely understandable. When I saw the telephone, I was sure you'd been sent by Godcorp to murder me, which okay, I can see why you're a little bit paranoid. So she has a lot in common with now.
[00:33:42] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:33:43] Speaker A: So, anyway but she says, like it or not, they're going to have to have their sister act. Cherry's Jubilee is going to hoak him, and my little sister will be free, or certain persons will be dead. So there we go. All right. So we get new character, Cherry's Jubilee, and she's ready to take out some Godcorp and duke's. Like, those two legged scumbags killed a friend of mine, lady. I couldn't do much for him. Now they're after me for reasons too numerous to mention. I got nothing to lose by taking the offensive. Count me in. And Brad's, like, he didn't seem too keen, like he wants to leave his phones. Well, we get back to Cogburn here, and Cogburn is now holding a gun on the Dictator of Hokum, who's about to be deposed. The best description there.
[00:34:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:34:36] Speaker A: And Cogburn takes the shots, gets the dictator on the plane and sends him away so he can interact in the future with vanilla cupcake. They're sending him off. And the creepy snake Spine spine is back. Yeah.
[00:34:53] Speaker B: That's climbs out of his body and runs away. After he gets shot.
[00:34:59] Speaker A: We get back to Manhattan. Cherry's Jubilee is now in full costume, superhero costume. She's got a chain around her neck. She's got chains around her waist. She's got weapons and a iron ball in the middle of her chest to hit people with. And they're ready to go. She's like, I know how to persuade airline pilots to do what I want and wait. Wasn't Cogburn in hocomb.
[00:35:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: There'S a Cogburn with two pistols. They're shooting. They're like cherry's, like duck. Think fast, he's got no sweats. And they start shooting, and Cogburn flies away. But then there's another Cogburn. A Cogburn. And another one, and another one, another one, another one. There's a whole bunch of Cogburns, and one of them says, I'll spear the bird. You guys divvy up the girl next. How to be your own best friend. I think we're going to learn more about Cogburn in the next issue, but I don't know because I haven't read oh, are we going to get to Hokum in the next issue? I don't know. Are we going to save vanilla cupcake? I don't know. Are we going to have a dead duck? I don't know.
[00:36:15] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:36:16] Speaker A: I don't know because I haven't read it, you know, but I don't know because I haven't read it. So yeah, I mean, wow.
You said it would get crazier as we went and has it ever? It has definitely gotten crazier.
[00:36:30] Speaker B: It's wild, man.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: I think this one's, like, issue one was a one off story, right? So now we're seeing him do now we're seeing Gerber do some world building. And this, to me, is not a 25 issue comic book, but I could totally take this as a twelve. Yeah.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: It has that storyline that you could pull it all together in twelve issues, give you a nice summation of a nice detailed world of destroyer duck.
[00:37:04] Speaker A: Yeah, and we're not going to get twelve issues, but I could totally see this being twelve issues, like a twelve destroyer duck world. And maybe if they had the rights back to another duck, this would sort of be combined together, right, with, yeah, I'm loving this. Even if we found out this was a different Earth, right, we find out he went and wiped out something on a different Earth and he meets back with Howard the duck. Right? That could be cool, too.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: That would be mean. That's the cool thing. You bring it back into all the what ifs, right? What if what if this was one of those other Earths and they get back together and they're like, wait, what? I thought you were dead.
[00:37:52] Speaker A: No, man, I am the Watcher. It is my responsibility never to interact with any mortal. How come the Watcher always interact? Anyway, I think this is great. I honestly think, too, if you were building, having something fun with this, you find out the duck world is the duck universe is actually the main universe.
[00:38:16] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:38:17] Speaker A: And then all these other things are the sub things, which I guess is what he's sort of doing. We'll never know because this doesn't keep going for a couple of reasons, but we're going to get a couple more issues to talk about. So we're going to and I'm excited about it.
Yeah, you should be getting this episode around the 20 eigth of November. So we'll probably finish out the year with some destroyer duck for the most part. We'll have, what, three more issues of destroyer duck. So that'll get us through most of December. And then we'll probably do one on we might cover some book called I don't know.
You know what? I'm just going to leave you in suspense.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: Suspense?
[00:39:02] Speaker A: Yeah. We got to get through some destroyer duck first.
[00:39:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:06] Speaker A: Now, I know we said destroyer duck wasn't really in the drug comic series, but honestly, I think you might have had to been on something to write this book.
[00:39:15] Speaker B: Well, yeah, it does touch on drugs. So when you think about it, I mean, pheromones are very that is true.
It's a chemical drugging. The populace drugging the populace. People give them off. People react to pheromones in different ways, and like cherry jubilee, being around people causes them to act one way, and when she's gone, they act a different way. Same with vanilla cupcake.
[00:39:44] Speaker A: And vanilla cupcake soothes people, subdues them, makes them product. Yeah, well, that makes know that's a fantastic transition, because I understand if you buy Absolute Zeros by Greg Smith and Michael Tanner, it will emit a pheromone that will subdue you and make you want to read the book over and.
[00:40:05] Speaker B: Over again, you know?
Yes.
Well, I mean, the book hasn't even out yet. Dan, thank you so much.
[00:40:19] Speaker A: Well, in the future, you could buy it.
You preorder it with the anticipation of both a wonderful smell and an MxPx CD and buy the hardcover. Because, honestly, if you get the hardcover, you get the MxPx CD and the wonderful vanilla smell. If you get the soft cover, you just get the MxPx CD and we.
[00:40:47] Speaker B: Know no, you get the MP3 file.
[00:40:49] Speaker A: It's not even no, it's like a scan. I don't even think no, MxPx doesn't know what a MxPx doesn't know what those barcode things that I don't QR code that I'm messing.
[00:41:04] Speaker B: It'S a divix CD. So you get one play and it disappears.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: Yeah. There's no QR codes in the entire city of Bremerton, okay? That's just factual. You've been there. They banned barcodes in 2008.
No, not barcodes. QR codes. Probably barcodes, too. I mean, it's a bremerton. I mean, it's Bremerton's, like, 1981 all the time.
Okay, I have nothing to say here.
I'm going to keep going.
[00:41:37] Speaker B: Order.
[00:41:37] Speaker A: Absolute zeros by Greg Smith and Michael Tanner with art by Gabriel Gomez.
You can't even talk anymore. Okay, that's good. Also, of course, if you want to see Greg in an incapacitated state, you could always drop by the Retro Emporium in Kent, Washington, where they are currently setting up. I know. This week. I know you're going to get this next week, but it's this week. But next week. But if you go next week when this podcast dropped, you're going to see Anne Smith's amazing holiday display.
[00:42:08] Speaker B: Yeah. And speaking of vanilla cupcake and strawberry shortcake, we're going to have a strawberry shortcake holiday display.
No strawberry shortcake.
[00:42:20] Speaker A: And if you go in there, it.
[00:42:21] Speaker B: Smells like fruit, which and the crazy thing, too, I had to shout it out is the Strawberry Shortcake House was my friend Kelly Strawski's childhood Strawberry Shortcake House. So I know she's probably not listening to this, but I had to put it out there.
[00:42:38] Speaker A: How do you know she's not listening?
[00:42:41] Speaker B: I know for a fact she would not be listening to this. If she is listening to this, I would laugh my full ass off because.
[00:42:50] Speaker A: Well, maybe we're not promoting well enough.
[00:42:52] Speaker B: We're not promoting.
[00:42:55] Speaker A: Everybody knows you have your friends listen to your podcast, or you don't, because you want them to still be your friend 100%. Why?
Well, anyway, that's amazing. And also, if you go to the Retro Emporium, you will smell that wonderful fruit Loop smell, and that smell will compel you to buy things. So make sure you stop by.
[00:43:16] Speaker B: Stop by.
[00:43:17] Speaker A: We have slime, kind of like the pheromones here.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: Yeah, don't smell the slime. It smells disgusting.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: And of course, in addition to those fine things yes. Right. Yes. On December 14, 1516 16th, you'll have Krampus visiting, I believe, the retro. Yeah, we will have Krampus 16th or 17th.
Is it a Saturday or a Sunday?
[00:43:45] Speaker B: Because that's a Saturday.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: That'll be the 16 December, because I will be out of town, so I will not be there with Krampus this year.
[00:43:52] Speaker B: Unfortunately, we'll not be there with Krampus this year. Oh, no.
[00:43:55] Speaker A: But, yeah, you're going to have to handle Krampus all on your own, but okay, you drop by then. So, holiday things are heating up there at the Retro Emporium on Meeker Street in Kent, Washington. Drop by. Of course, you also know if you really want to smell some pheromones, 17th, that is a Sunday, so, December 17. And if you really want to smell some pheromones, you could always drop by the Jujitsu Lawyers gym on.
[00:44:24] Speaker B: Yeah, you'll smell some pheromones.
[00:44:25] Speaker A: You'll smell it'll be fantastic.
[00:44:28] Speaker B: Pain leaving the body.
[00:44:29] Speaker A: Yeah, pain leaving the body. But you could stop by Certified Martial Arts in Tacoma. Or you could just reach out to Jiu Jitsu lawyer. Paul probably should put his information in the notes sometime. But if you want a workout plan or anything, or just learn more about Jiu Jitsu, there's your so. And if you want a he's, he's also your guy. He's multi dimensional, just like Destroyer Duck.
[00:44:52] Speaker B: Just like Destroyer Duck.
[00:44:54] Speaker A: So, yeah, I mean, there's our plugs for now. Look forward to some cool stuff coming up. We can't wait to get through Destroyer Duck, though. So hopefully you're enjoying these episodes. If you are enjoying these episodes, of course you can leave us amazing feedback on Apple or Spotify's or wherever you.
[00:45:12] Speaker B: Listen to your podcasts.
[00:45:14] Speaker A: Not the one that went away, but everything else. Yeah, you could leave us a review, or you could leave us a terrible review. That's what Greg wants you to do. I'd like good reviews. Greg wants terrible reviews.
[00:45:25] Speaker B: I want them all.
[00:45:28] Speaker A: Good reviews do help the podcast, but we don't ask you to actually patreon.
[00:45:33] Speaker B: We don't. Yeah, no, that's not a thing.
[00:45:34] Speaker A: Right, so but if you did want us to start a patreon of Greg.
[00:45:39] Speaker B: Eating weird things, I'm not opposed to it. Although my dietitian might say my strong advice against it.
[00:45:48] Speaker A: My advice against it. Well, if you want Greg to eat weird things on patreon, you can reach out to us on X at funny. F, Facebook or Insta. Just look for funny book forensics. There's not really another.
[00:46:07] Speaker B: Either we're on those things.
[00:46:10] Speaker A: We're either funny book four and six or we are funny book forensics. I believe on Facebook we are the whole words and on everything else, we are four n six. But that's fine. You can find us there. You'll figure it out.
There is no other. We are one of a kind. Yeah, just look for the logo with.
[00:46:32] Speaker B: Thing I might eat the things I might do.
[00:46:35] Speaker A: That what could happen. Well, if you want Greg to do that, let us know. And other than that, I don't know. I mean, that was our plugs at the end of the episode that were not really plugs. But I would just say, too, if you want more of these fantastic commercials that we do, grow the listenership and maybe we'd have a sponsor. And then I could read commercial copy, which would be stunning.
[00:46:58] Speaker B: Well, we should plug the thing that's still going on. Jonley and only it has met his goal. But going for stretch goals, so help Joanly Noli hit those stretch goals, because every time we hit those stretch goals, joanly Nonely will give you free comics.
[00:47:31] Speaker A: By John, formerly of the Mothership, but.
[00:47:33] Speaker B: Still of Joanly Noni.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: Well, yeah, we'll have announcements about that stuff soon. But good news, just one last note on the podcast. I mentioned on our last podcast that we may have some changes to the podcast feed that will not be happening. We actually find us at the feed. So what that will mean is now that we aren't making changes, I will commit to getting a few more of the back episodes up there. So I've thrown a few more up there somehow. I think I mentioned it once. Our feed was split. All the podcasts that came up on the feed, since a certain time, we started loading onto one thing, all of them were there, and then all our other ones split into another feed. So I've been slowly adding them back on. So I apologize for that, but we'll get them back together for you. And I can commit to that now because our home is here for a while, at least another year. So we'll be right here with you. And that's it. That's what I got.
So don't worry about the feed changing probably too much inside baseball for the end of the podcast, but that's what you love about us. We're going to tell you all over.
[00:48:38] Speaker B: The place, just like Destroyer Duck everywhere.
[00:48:43] Speaker A: Well, so until Cherry's Jubilee breaks into my house and makes everyone love her.
[00:48:50] Speaker B: The face you made was great.
Oh, my God. If you all could see.
[00:49:00] Speaker A: I guess. And that's a perfect note to sign out if you could see Dan's face. Yeah. So that's another episode of funny book Forensics. Thanks, and we'll see you next time for some more Destroyer Duck.
