Funny Book Forensics 383 League of Santas

[00:00:06] Speaker A: I don't have to count anymore. That's right. [00:00:08] Speaker B: You don't. You don't have to count. It just records. [00:00:12] Speaker A: It counts for us. [00:00:12] Speaker B: It counts for us. [00:00:14] Speaker A: Counts for us. And we're here. And this is funny Book forensics. And we are continuing the 2024 Holiday Spectacular. [00:00:24] Speaker B: Yay. [00:00:25] Speaker A: We have one low bow down. [00:00:26] Speaker B: And now we're talking about the Toyota. [00:00:28] Speaker A: Thon or Happy Honda days on one Santa down. Oh, and Happy Honda days. Yeah. Just. Do people buy cars for Christmas? [00:00:38] Speaker B: You know, they shouldn't because it is not a. I mean, if. If I honestly went out and bought a car and like, said surprise, I'm pretty sure Anne would just, like, get out. Why did you do that without talking to me? What are you thinking? This is a bad decision. It's a bad look. This is not something you decide on your own. [00:01:01] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I feel like to participate in Happy Honda days, you have to be like, ultra wealthy or something. [00:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, unless you're just buying like a, you know, a not expensive Honda. I'm sure there are those not expensive Hondas, or. [00:01:15] Speaker A: I understand there's not really, actually. [00:01:17] Speaker B: Not really. Well, I haven't really looked at cars. I mean, I have, but I haven't really. [00:01:21] Speaker A: I mean, you know, I will say that, you know, you could just get a cyber truck. I hear those do really well in the snow. [00:01:29] Speaker B: No, no, no. I. I'm fine with my. My $5,000 pos. My. My. My great. My great mistake. I love my Xterra. I say great mistake. It's just because it. It starts on occasion, and you got to tell it. You love it, or. Or it's either I love you or, you know, the junkyard takes you for free. And then it starts. It's either one of those two things, and then the car starts. [00:02:00] Speaker A: Well, the good news is that if you had a cybertruck, you had no need to go to BUC EE's ever. [00:02:06] Speaker B: Oh, that's true. But I like to go to BUC EE's for all the fine things that are there, like T shirts. [00:02:12] Speaker A: Yeah, but when. I've never been to a Buc Ees. Oh, okay. [00:02:15] Speaker B: And just goes. Anne has been. [00:02:18] Speaker A: How does Ann go to Bucky's when she visits her. [00:02:21] Speaker B: When she visits her family? That's in the. That's. That's in Oregon. Was in Texas. No, it was in Texas. [00:02:27] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I was like, like, where is Ann going that there's a Buc ee's like her sister and she lives in Texas. [00:02:34] Speaker B: And then they Live now they've moved east. East. [00:02:38] Speaker A: I see. Yeah. So Buc ee's is. Buc ee's has a beef jerky bar. [00:02:44] Speaker B: Which I can't eat because it inspires the gout. [00:02:48] Speaker A: Oh, well, you know, I mean, I can. [00:02:50] Speaker B: I can. I can dabble. I can dabble in moderation. [00:02:55] Speaker A: It probably has, like, other things you can't eat too, like gluten. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Oh, yes, I'm sure they do. They have all the things that Greg cannot eat. But that's okay. I'm sure they have other things that I can eat and enjoy. Candy. In moderation. [00:03:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:16] Speaker B: Yes. Because, you know. And I'm sure all sorts of beverages. Barbecue corn. No, you can't eat it. What? You're like. I mean, I. I had some really good jerky the other week. Cause we got jerky at the store now, so. [00:03:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:39] Speaker B: D and D Jerky. Morgel's meat. [00:03:42] Speaker A: It's very good. Yeah. [00:03:45] Speaker B: Seven or six. Six different types of jerky to suit your needs for your characters. It's very delicious and tasty. I've had a few. And that's not the. And don't. Before you say that's the reason why you had the gout. That's not the reason why I had the gout because I just had nibbles. I just had nibbles and ate the rest of it. A little nibble. Very moderation. [00:04:09] Speaker A: Oh, there you go. [00:04:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:12] Speaker A: Well, we are not here to talk about any of those things. [00:04:15] Speaker B: Why not? That's all good stuff. We should have. It should be jerky talk. Just two jerky boys talking about all the jerky. [00:04:23] Speaker A: Well, we do have jerky talk because Plastic man is on the COVID Oh, he's a jerk. [00:04:28] Speaker B: He's the biggest jerk of them all. We talked about Lobo last week, and now we're talking about Plastic Man. [00:04:32] Speaker A: This guy. [00:04:34] Speaker B: Wow. [00:04:36] Speaker A: Yeah. He's. He's plastic and he's a man. [00:04:39] Speaker B: He's a Plastic man man. [00:04:42] Speaker A: He str. He stretches. [00:04:43] Speaker B: I. You know, it's funny. When I was a kid, I. I think this is definitely, like. It's gotta be a kid thing. When you're. When you're a kid, you totally love this guy. When you become an adult, you're like. [00:04:56] Speaker A: Well, I think objectively, everybody should like Elongated man more than Plastic Man. [00:05:03] Speaker B: Yeah, I suppose. [00:05:05] Speaker A: But, you know, Plastic man dates back to, like, the 40s in police comics, so Plastic man is a really old character. I don't think people realize this. [00:05:15] Speaker B: He's. He's got some time on the book, so to speak. [00:05:20] Speaker A: Well, he did have some time on the books, too, because he was a ex con. [00:05:27] Speaker B: And you could put some. You could put some money on his canteen. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it's. Yeah. I mean, Plastic man first appeared in 1941, so he's, like, about the same age as Superman. [00:05:43] Speaker B: Okay. Explains the cool gospel. [00:05:46] Speaker A: Crazy, right? [00:05:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah. He appeared in Police Comics number one, all right, alongside two other members of two other characters that people have heard of. The Human Bomb. Oh, pull his finger. [00:06:02] Speaker B: I like it. [00:06:05] Speaker A: And Phantom Lady. [00:06:06] Speaker B: Phantom Lady. [00:06:09] Speaker A: Yeah. So, I mean, these are characters that are still used, so. And another character's on the COVID called the mouthpiece. I have no idea what that character is. [00:06:19] Speaker B: The mouthpiece. Oh, no. [00:06:22] Speaker A: I don't know anything about the mouthpiece, but there you go. Police comics number one, starring Plastic Man. Plastic Human Bomb. Yeah. Like, so that was. I don't think it was the Human Bomb, but that was in Kingdom Come in a bar scene, like, somebody pulls the version of the Human Bomb in the comic's finger, and he gets blown up. [00:06:48] Speaker B: Boom. Kapow. [00:06:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Get it. Pull. Don't. Don't pull my finger. [00:06:55] Speaker B: Pull my finger. Don't pull my finger. [00:06:57] Speaker A: It's cute. [00:06:58] Speaker B: It is funny. It's funny until it happens, and then all of a sudden, sometimes it's. It's not so great. [00:07:07] Speaker A: I don't know. Recent things have happened in the news that are still funny, even though they did happen and they shouldn't be. [00:07:14] Speaker B: So some. Some people laugh. Some people laugh longer. [00:07:21] Speaker A: Well, it. [00:07:22] Speaker B: It. [00:07:22] Speaker A: Twas the night before the fight before Christmas in Fighting for Christmas. And we have Santa Claus on the COVID getting. Getting beat up. [00:07:30] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. What is up with all these Christmas comic books, Dan, that you want us to read where Santa's just getting. [00:07:37] Speaker A: Just wait. You. You wanted the Christmas comic books. [00:07:40] Speaker B: I wanted the Christmas comic books, but you just keep delivering Santa getting beaten. What do you have against a fat, jolly man? [00:07:48] Speaker A: Well, nothing. But I did find an issue, that of jla, that after Grant Morrison, that Mark Waid wrote for Christmas. [00:07:56] Speaker B: Okay. And you're like, we got to read this one. Okay. [00:08:02] Speaker A: Mark Wade is well known for barking. [00:08:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:05] Speaker A: At Santa Claus. [00:08:06] Speaker B: Okay. [00:08:08] Speaker A: And the moon and people on Twitter. [00:08:11] Speaker B: Okay. [00:08:12] Speaker A: Slash X. Is he off X now? I think he. [00:08:14] Speaker B: I think he took a break. He's made the move to the other. [00:08:19] Speaker A: Blue sky and threads shining at me. [00:08:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:23] Speaker A: We're on blue sky. [00:08:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:08:25] Speaker A: Funny book forensics on blue sky. [00:08:27] Speaker B: Yeah. Come find us. Yeah. Follow us there. Well. [00:08:33] Speaker A: We get. I think I'm. Is That Woozy. That looks like woozy. [00:08:40] Speaker B: It does. Uh, oh. [00:08:41] Speaker A: Plastic Man's boozing pal. Yeah. And Woozy has a son named Weezer. [00:08:51] Speaker B: I love that band. They're so good. [00:08:53] Speaker A: I know. I was about to say, and the jokes that will come out of this podcast now, who they call Wheeze, does he have asthma? [00:09:04] Speaker B: Maybe. I mean, only time will tell. [00:09:08] Speaker A: Well, Plastic man, whose real name is Eel O'Brien. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Huh. [00:09:15] Speaker A: I know a lot about Plastic man that I shouldn't know. [00:09:18] Speaker B: You know a lot about him know that you shouldn't know. [00:09:24] Speaker A: Do you know that Plastic man was created by Jack Cole? [00:09:28] Speaker B: I did not know. [00:09:29] Speaker A: And Will Eisner. [00:09:30] Speaker B: Oh, this is news to me. [00:09:37] Speaker A: And Gil Fox. [00:09:39] Speaker B: Oh. [00:09:41] Speaker A: You're like, I know one of those people. [00:09:43] Speaker B: I know one of. [00:09:45] Speaker A: I just see your brain going, wait, wait. Okay. I know one of those. One of those guys is famous. [00:09:52] Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah, I know one. [00:09:56] Speaker A: Oh, okay. So Jack Cole actually created Plastic Man. Yes. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:06] Speaker A: Will Eisner's spirit showed up in police comics later, but was also being run as a comic strip. So after the popularity of superheroes waned, police comics shifted in issue 103 to be about Plastic Man. Ready for this? Police stories. [00:10:26] Speaker B: No way. Get out of here. About police stories and adventure and subterfuge subterfuged. [00:10:35] Speaker A: But Plastic man ran for 102 issues. [00:10:39] Speaker B: That's wild. [00:10:40] Speaker A: Appeared in 102 straight issues all the way from 1941 to 1950. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Okay, I'm gonna go back and read some of these. [00:10:48] Speaker A: Like, Plastic man, the spirit appeared from issue 11 to issue 102. [00:10:52] Speaker B: So did the Plastic man have the spirit in him? No, but, like, we all have the spirit in us. [00:10:58] Speaker A: No, no. [00:11:02] Speaker B: But it's the season to have the spirit in you, Dan. [00:11:05] Speaker A: No, the Plastic man is a villain. [00:11:08] Speaker B: But that's how he became a good person because he had. He got the spirit in him. [00:11:13] Speaker A: But, yeah, because he's a superhero. [00:11:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:17] Speaker A: See? So as part of quality comics, it's kind of crazy. [00:11:28] Speaker B: It is crazy. [00:11:29] Speaker A: How old? When you start digging into that golden age, it's really crazy how much. [00:11:33] Speaker B: It's like an onion. It's like one of those blooming onions at that Australian steakhouse that I can't go to anymore. Yeah. [00:11:43] Speaker A: Oh. His name is Patrick Eel O'Brien. My bad. Patrick. [00:11:48] Speaker B: Does he live under a rock under the sea? [00:11:52] Speaker A: No. Oh, but he is stretchy, and he's presenting wheeze from Weezer. Wheeze from eating something he's not supposed to or playing with something he's not supposed To, I don't know, communicator. Oh, I feel like. Oh, is that what he grabbed? I feel like this kid's old enough not to be chewing on things. [00:12:12] Speaker B: Yeah, he's got the signal device. He shouldn't be playing with that. Gonna call up all the. All the JLA folks. Hey, everybody. How's it going? Whoopsies. [00:12:26] Speaker A: Oh, so this is not his son. This is his sister's son. Okay, so it's. It's the Woozy family altogether. [00:12:32] Speaker B: The Woozy family? Yeah. [00:12:34] Speaker A: Wanda, Woozy and Weezer. [00:12:36] Speaker B: Wanda, Woozy and Weezer. [00:12:38] Speaker A: Do you think, like, they should go with different names and w names? [00:12:46] Speaker B: No, I like that. I like that. [00:12:52] Speaker A: I wonder how old Woozy is that character. Do you think he appeared in the first issue? [00:12:56] Speaker B: Probably, yeah. Probably. Yeah, he stayed. He's. He stayed the same age the whole time. [00:13:03] Speaker A: Since 1941. [00:13:05] Speaker B: Yeah. He's never aged. He's never aged at all. Perpetually. He's forever young. Forever young. [00:13:19] Speaker A: Well, as we get going, I guess we should talk about the story because, I mean, the history of Plastic man sure is fun. [00:13:27] Speaker B: It is fun. But yes, there's an amazing story here. And I hear. I hear there's so much more than just Plastic man in store. [00:13:37] Speaker A: Well, Whis, who looks just like his uncle, sitting on the bed. [00:13:42] Speaker B: Yes. [00:13:42] Speaker A: And he's playing with the communicator. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:13:46] Speaker A: And he's like, santa is cool. And we like. He's made up. Made up guys can't be cool. The JLA is cool. Batman in it, so is Green Lantern. And Plastic man blurts out, so is Santa. And Whis is having none of that. None of it. Arms folded and he's like, Plastic Man's like, look, if I tell you how it happened, how he got in the Justice League, will you get yourself under the covers and. Fine, here we go. [00:14:30] Speaker B: Oh, he's got a story to tell. [00:14:33] Speaker A: We get a splash page. The JLA hereby elects Santa Claus to membership for life with all privileges and gratuities, including the wearing of the signal device and possession of the Golden Key, which permits entry into the Watchtower, its library and souvenir room. It is hereby further resolved and acted upon that Santa Claus shall receive a special accommodation for his expert assistance in the key case we have entitled on our scrolls. Merry Christmas, Justice League. Now die. Writer Mark Wade Guest pencils Cliff Rathburn Inks by Paul Neri Colors by David Baron Letters by Ken Lopez Assistant editor Steve Whacker and editor Raspler. Oh, bad Dan Raspler Well. Oh, Raspler. Rasp. Well, anyway, it's. Welcome to the jla Santa Claus. The whole JLA saying. And they're lifting Santa Claus up, who looks rather muscular in the legs. I guess if you're carrying around that bowl full of jelly. [00:15:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:40] Speaker A: Your legs will get strong. [00:15:41] Speaker B: And the bag of toys, man. [00:15:43] Speaker A: That's fair. Yeah. He probably has pretty substantial quads. [00:15:46] Speaker B: Oh, I bet he does. He's, like, picking up all that stuff and putting it on. Yeah, he's. He's probably. Probably built. I mean. Have you seen Red One? [00:16:00] Speaker A: No. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. I mean, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna get into it, but if you have to watch a movie about Christmas and you're gonna watch one, that's the one. Okay. It might not be the one. I mean, Christmas shoes is always up there. [00:16:25] Speaker A: Well, we get a. We get to transition back to the story. The Justice League is sitting around and they're talking about different heroes, like the Jacobian. [00:16:36] Speaker B: The Jacobian chase. Holy crap. [00:16:40] Speaker A: And. Can't believe they said they decide on those. Aren't those Won't work. But they're gonna nominate Santa Claus for membership. And Whis is having nothing to the story. And he's like. And the Easter Bunny wept in shame. That's it? That's your big story? [00:16:54] Speaker B: I love the Easter Bunny callback. [00:16:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, you know, the Easter Bunny, he's out for Santa. [00:17:00] Speaker B: He did weep in shame that they. They. They wanted Santa and not. Not the Easter Bunny after the hit. Yes. [00:17:08] Speaker A: But in this story, we have a gingerbread man. Don't catch me nothing. [00:17:18] Speaker B: You can't catch me nothing. Can't catch me. [00:17:21] Speaker A: Anyway, he's. He lets them know that Kris Kringle is in hell. [00:17:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:30] Speaker A: And turns into a milk carton and asks him if he's got milk to eat him. [00:17:39] Speaker B: Because he's about to make this cookie disappear. [00:17:42] Speaker A: Yeah. And gingerbread man, Gingerbread devil, Gingerbread demon says, silence. My tale begins scanty days ago at the North Pole. And once again, we discover on the sled, it says, santa unfair to elf union number 0001. We find out that Santa is running an evil capitalist empire once again. [00:18:05] Speaker B: Gosh darn it. [00:18:06] Speaker A: And just like we found out in the Lobo paramilitary Christmas special. [00:18:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:10] Speaker A: Santa here has some. A meter showing everybody in the entire world who's naughty and nice. [00:18:16] Speaker B: Oh, boy. Kind of naughty and nice Books. He's no Santa. Why? [00:18:23] Speaker A: And. And he's super sad because the naughty meter has gone way up and the nice meter has gone way Down. He's like, they know the consequences of not being good. What could have possibly have turned them? Let's see. Capitalism. They can buy whatever they want. Oh, did I give the answer? End of the story. [00:18:43] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. They can order it. They don't need Santa. [00:18:49] Speaker A: Nope. But what we find out is there's people convincing people a little black demon kind of thing is going around convincing little kids to be mean to each other. [00:19:05] Speaker B: Oh, that's no. Just ordinary demon thing. [00:19:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Like teasing the large kid and calling him fat water rat. [00:19:16] Speaker B: Fat water rat. [00:19:18] Speaker A: And giving another kid a hammer and telling him to hit the cookie jar. [00:19:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:25] Speaker A: And the other one a water gun and having him shoot his dad. She kind of looks epic. [00:19:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:19:32] Speaker A: I don't know why that's bad. [00:19:34] Speaker B: It is. [00:19:34] Speaker A: And this is all not too bad. It's not. And this is all coming from the demon neuron. Oh, it's a Neron story. [00:19:42] Speaker B: Neron the demon. [00:19:44] Speaker A: What do you know about the demon neuron? [00:19:46] Speaker B: Oh, what don't I know about the demon neuron? [00:19:50] Speaker A: So, a lot, huh? [00:19:51] Speaker B: A lot. Exactly. The demon neuron, he. He's forged in hell and he makes bargains with people. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Well, the demon neuron did not first appear in 1941. [00:20:08] Speaker B: Okay. [00:20:09] Speaker A: In fact, the demon neuron was created by. Drum roll, please. [00:20:16] Speaker B: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. [00:20:18] Speaker A: Yeah, you're too late. Mark Waid. Oh. In 1995. [00:20:26] Speaker B: Yay. [00:20:28] Speaker A: And he's back to reign terror on the Justice League. Yeah. It's working. It's still not working. [00:20:37] Speaker B: What do you mean it's not working? [00:20:39] Speaker A: Yep, it's not working. Your soundboard is dead. It's the best day ever. [00:20:45] Speaker B: You can't hear it. [00:20:47] Speaker A: I'm so happy. I love it when the soundboard is dead. It's just not working. It's too bad. [00:20:53] Speaker B: It'd be funny if everyone else can hear it and you can't hear it because it's just not audible to you. Well, anyway, and hear all these sounds, and you're like, I can hear them. Yeah. [00:21:07] Speaker A: Neron. Santa Claus shows up in New Jersey, and he goes to take out Neron, who's corrupted some of his elves. [00:21:21] Speaker B: No. [00:21:23] Speaker A: And Neron's, like, throughout the world, Santa anticipation of your yearly visit has reached a fever pitch. And those are two of the words that describe hell itself. Get it? Fever pitch. [00:21:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Yeah. It's not like, Pitch Perfect. Because I think if you watch that movie, you're in hell. [00:21:41] Speaker B: I love that movie. It's one of my favorite trilogies. If not a quadrilogy Quadrilogy. Is it even a thing? And then you got like Thumper in Germany and it's like, oh yeah, Thumper in Berlin. Yeah, Just like keep it going. [00:21:59] Speaker A: Okay. By striking today, you pair that with. [00:22:03] Speaker B: Like Fast and the Furious. [00:22:05] Speaker A: Oh God. Stop. By striking today, just before you make your rounds, I can trade with children for the youthful boundless energy of anticipation. Energy that will keep heal hell fed until they're old and gray. [00:22:23] Speaker B: Old and gray. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Wow. Neron is kind of a dick. [00:22:31] Speaker B: He's a jerk. [00:22:32] Speaker A: The gingerbread man says gingerbread person. [00:22:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:39] Speaker A: Your beloved Santa has admitted defeat. Justice League Neuron suggests you do the same. Oh, and, and Superman's like never. And Plastic man eats the gingerbread demon. [00:22:54] Speaker B: Just like yum. [00:22:57] Speaker A: And then whis is like, was Batman there? [00:23:00] Speaker B: Of course. Yeah. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Well, I think that whis in this story represents D.C. editorial because I think they ask for every comic book they release. Is Batman there? [00:23:12] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:23:13] Speaker A: And then if Batman's not in the comic, they cancel it. [00:23:16] Speaker B: So they have to put Batman in this book. If only. That has to be moment. He's like up in the shadows lurking. Right. [00:23:25] Speaker A: What if we had an amalgam Batman and Wolverine character? Then they would have to be in every comic book. [00:23:32] Speaker B: What would you call them? Batarine? I'm not sure. Wolf. A bat? [00:23:40] Speaker A: Deflator mouse. [00:23:42] Speaker B: Deflator mouse. Or, or, or it's just like. Hold on a second. Check this out. Call him the honey Badger. Just doesn't give a shit. Why? [00:23:54] Speaker A: Not that we can. That's fair. We can call him the honey Badger. I just want him to be Deflator Mouse. So the tick would be in the comics too. [00:24:01] Speaker B: Well, it's two different worlds. Two different worlds. I like honey badger because it's like he's like a wolverine, but he's not a wolverine. But honey badgers are batshit crazy. [00:24:15] Speaker A: Does he have an adamantium nose? [00:24:18] Speaker B: He's got the claws. [00:24:21] Speaker A: He's got adamantium claws and adamantium nose. [00:24:25] Speaker B: And then we could give him wings because like, I mean he'd be like, he could like curl up and roll around, get all fast. [00:24:33] Speaker A: He's like a, like a, like a hedgehog. [00:24:39] Speaker B: He's drilling. [00:24:40] Speaker A: And his name be. [00:24:43] Speaker B: Honey badger. [00:24:45] Speaker A: Logan Wayne. [00:24:47] Speaker B: His real name. [00:24:53] Speaker A: Logan Wayne. The Honey badger. Billy by you are honey badgers night nocturnal. [00:25:02] Speaker B: I don't know. Are they the possum? The awesome possum? [00:25:06] Speaker A: I mean, you came up the honey badger. I was asking you. [00:25:09] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't know if they are or not. I Just know they hang out and they don't care. They'll fight anything. [00:25:15] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:15] Speaker B: They can. They can get bit by snakes and stuff like that. They don't care. They look super cute, though. They'll eat anything. Honey badger. [00:25:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:31] Speaker B: Are you looking it up right now? You're like, oh, what is. [00:25:34] Speaker A: No. [00:25:35] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:25:36] Speaker A: No. [00:25:37] Speaker B: You don't care. [00:25:38] Speaker A: I'm. I'm paying Wikipedia $2.75. [00:25:41] Speaker B: For what, honey badger? Information? [00:25:44] Speaker A: No, for just being in existence. [00:25:46] Speaker B: You're like, I love you, Wikipedia. Thank you so much for existing. Here's $2.50. [00:25:52] Speaker A: Yep. [00:25:54] Speaker B: You're a good Dan, Dan. [00:25:57] Speaker A: I am. Okay, so, yes. Anyway, the Justice League goes in to try to save Santa Claus from Neron. [00:26:07] Speaker B: Whoa. [00:26:08] Speaker A: And they're fighting elves with toy guns filled with acid. [00:26:12] Speaker B: Yeah. And what's up with elves all the time fighting with different types of guns and just. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Yeah, and these are demon elves. [00:26:20] Speaker B: Demon elves. [00:26:22] Speaker A: Well, and they start attacking Santa and Plastic man says, well, of course, nothing could hurt Santa. And he's like going, it tickles. Like the old. Like when he gets hit with lightning. The old famous cover. [00:26:34] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:26:34] Speaker A: And Whis is like, wasn't this magic? Isn't Superman hurt by magic? Because Whis has read too many comics and he knows the origin of every character. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:44] Speaker A: And. And. And then plaster is like, oh, except magic. And then Superman looks very distressed as he's being bit and hit by elves. And then Plastic man says, still should have seen us weeds. Despite the odds, we had him on the ropes. [00:27:00] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:27:02] Speaker A: Yep. And Kyle Rayner is making, like, reindeer out of the lantern ring to chase Rainer's reindeer. The demon elves away. [00:27:14] Speaker B: And the demon elves look like. They look like just, you know, your. Your average normal people. [00:27:21] Speaker A: It was really frustrating with Kyle Rayner. Side note. [00:27:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:25] Speaker A: He was by far, far the most interesting Green Lantern. [00:27:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:29] Speaker A: Of, you know, like, way more interesting than Guy Gardner. [00:27:32] Speaker B: Uh huh. Yes, of course. [00:27:35] Speaker A: I think more interesting than the way they originally wrote John Stewart. I think they did some building on it later. Definitely more interesting than Hal. I mean, you have some of the newer Lanterns. Like, I like the I blanking on her name, but the far sector Green Lantern, that character is really good. Of the newer ones, I liked Jessica Cruz origin too. The whole notion that she got the ring because she survived. She had the will to survive terrible situations and the will to fight her anxiety over that. Like, I think those are some really cool character ideas. But Kyle Rayner, being an artist and then using the ring to create, like, really cool constructs. Yeah. Always to me, made him a more interesting Green Lantern character. And then they have, like, abandoned the character. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Just left him out. [00:28:28] Speaker A: Him and Connor Hawk, you know, they just like. And Connor Hawk's running around in the Green Arrow book right now. But, you know, they brought these characters in. They killed the originals, brought these characters in. And I always thought Kyle was a really interesting character. And anyway. Which makes me sad. [00:28:44] Speaker B: That frustrating, underutilized. [00:28:48] Speaker A: But a lot of things from the 90s are coming back around, so. [00:28:51] Speaker B: Yeah, the 90s are alive. [00:28:55] Speaker A: Yeah, they made him a White Lantern, whatever that means. [00:28:58] Speaker B: Is that like. [00:28:59] Speaker A: Or. No, a multi spectrum Lantern. He has like all the. [00:29:02] Speaker B: I don't know, all the spectrums. [00:29:04] Speaker A: Well, anyway, Santa is being stored by Neron in a. Oh, and he's like owner of the Wretch and your spouse and yes, owner of the Retro Emporium in Kent, Washington, would be very upset by this toy hanging on the wall unplayed with. [00:29:21] Speaker B: Yes, of course she would. She would take it from its package and she would open Santa and put him somewhere to be played with. [00:29:30] Speaker A: Well, that's what the Justice League is trying to do right now. [00:29:33] Speaker B: Yes. [00:29:34] Speaker A: And Plastic man says, flash spotted Santa's little holding cell. [00:29:40] Speaker B: Oh, no. [00:29:41] Speaker A: And that's where things went really sour. Because while we were busy deminting. See collectible. The collectible little trap. Neron, who knew very well what belonged in his stocking. And Neron has four stockings. One says Neron Neuron. Still more for Neuron. And one that says me, Me, me. He turned the entire Justice League into coal. Whis is like, even Batman. Especially Batman. Thank you. Thank you, Mark Wade, for writing that dialogue. We all feel that way. [00:30:13] Speaker B: Especially Batman. [00:30:17] Speaker A: He's like, we were doomed, but then Santa was their salvation. Santa escaped his own packaging. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Oh. [00:30:25] Speaker A: With his heat vision. Oh, what? And we. Santa Claus didn't have heat vision. And I. Phrasing. Anyway, so who's telling the story? Anyway, he cut himself loose and opened himself up a can of Whoop Elf. [00:30:45] Speaker B: Whoop Elf. [00:30:46] Speaker A: And Santa takes out all the demon. [00:30:48] Speaker B: Elves with the heat spacing. [00:30:52] Speaker A: But in the end, he was just one man. And the hellspawn demons took him down. They carried him up to Neron and Neron says, foolish old man, to think you could succeed against me when even Plastic Man's Justice League has failed. I'm sure he said, plastic Man's Justice League. Tell me before I consign your soul to the limitless, limitless depths of the underworld. Have you any last words? And Santa looks up and says, just these. And he Has a present for him. And he says, he pulls it out of the b magic bag. There's a present. And he says, for you. And Neron's like, what? What is this? [00:31:32] Speaker B: What's this? What's this? [00:31:34] Speaker A: And Santa's like, you picked the wrong time of year to step forth, Neron. I know you. Your entire existence depends on the deal, the trade, the bargain. Neron's like, confused. He says, then tell me, what do you wish to exchange, old man? Name your terms. Take something. He says, nope. Neron's like, no, no, you can't just simply hand me something you must take. Take from me in return. Take something. Sounds like wrong again. The yield tied spirit isn't about bargaining, Neron. It's not about taking. Neron says, no, no. Santa says, it's about giving outright with no strings attached, as you're about to see. And Santa just grins and says, giving brings its own rewards. Merry Christmas, Neron. And Neron takes the package and he's. He's defeated because he's giving something and he opens it and the package is full of socks and underwear. And Neron just screams, no. [00:32:37] Speaker B: The underwear baron got him. [00:32:39] Speaker A: Yep. And Neron is zapped with a fwahoom. A fawm. Oh, it's. Oh. You know, Mark Wade was a big Legion fan. [00:32:52] Speaker B: Yes. [00:32:53] Speaker A: And it doesn't surprise me there. There would be a FA woom in a Mark Wade book. [00:32:57] Speaker B: I love that he's a skeleton. [00:32:59] Speaker A: Yep. Neron, utterly defeated, disappeared in a volcano of flame, leaving OL St. Nick to turn the League back to normal. Ah, he saved them all. See, that's why he gets to join the Justice League. [00:33:11] Speaker B: Aha. [00:33:13] Speaker A: And in turn, he accepted their invitation for full membership. And. And Plastic man says, there, now we're both believers, right? And Whis is like, yeah, yeah, I guess. And Valley Man's like, you guess after all that? You guess. And Whis is like, well, just. It's. Well, well, why would Neron just do his stuff? Why would he warn. Should we do this in the comic book guy voice? Sure. Whis is like the worst comic book fan ever. And then he's like, and how come if you. Or he's us. Oh my God, he's us. [00:33:51] Speaker B: Oh my gosh. [00:33:52] Speaker A: He's critiquing the book. Yeah. [00:33:54] Speaker B: Oh my gosh. [00:33:55] Speaker A: And how come if you were in hell, the Martian Manhunter wasn't hurt by all the fire? [00:33:59] Speaker B: Why. [00:33:59] Speaker A: How come Santa could turn you back from cold just by waving his hand? And how come. And then the signal rings and Plastic Man's like, ah, the signal. Thank God. And Wheeze is like, what? And he's like, I mean, I mean, signal call. Phooey. Gotta run. And Wheeze is like, run away. You mean you were pulling my leg? He said, me. He said, then answer my questions. He said, I could if I had time, but duty calls, pal. We had a deal, remember? Now you get some sleep and dream about skateboards and video games and just believe. And they both look outside in astonishment. And Santa is flying through the sky. And Plastic man is more astonished than Wheeze. He's like, what? [00:34:44] Speaker B: I love that. [00:34:45] Speaker A: Eddie looks at Whis and Whis looks at him. And then Santa Claus uses his heat vision to write Merry Christmas in the snow. And Whis goes. He uses he vision. Santa uses he vision. It's really him. And Blaster Man's, yeah, but. And Wheeze like, no talking. Must sleep. Press is coming. Night. Night. Plastic man is just looking befuddled, like, oh, okay, yeah, we. We get outside and, well, he says, Kyle. Kyle's talking to Santa. Martian Manhunter. And Martian Manhunter turned into Santa. And he. And Kyle says, how long do you think before he figures it out? And he goes, well, the Elongated man would have it in two minutes, so assume five sooner. If he hears about the Time Commander's dinosaur attack and realizes that we were in the neighborhood. That's who they've got over there. The Time Commander. [00:35:49] Speaker B: I see. [00:35:50] Speaker A: And. And Plastic Man's like, woos. I'm telling you, he shook like a bowl full of jelly man jelly. And he hasn't quite figured it out. And there Santa in the last panel, they kind of. They explain what happened. And then Santa in the last panel, it's the actual Santa in the last panel, standing next to a reindeer. And he says, heat vision. The imagination of some people. And that is the end of our story. [00:36:26] Speaker B: That was a good, good, good issue. I. I find this one for everyone who, who might have had issues with the previous issue. I mean, Lobo's awesome. The main man, really? If you were. If you were feeling like, oh my gosh, how could you besmirch the Santa the same? Nick, all this other stuff, this one, this one gives you Santa Claus joining the jla. Plastic man being Plastic Man. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Well, which, which Santa now, if, if McFarlane Toys, huh? Was going to make a Santa Claus. [00:37:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:08] Speaker A: Would you want the Lobo paramilitary Christmas Santa Claus, or would you want the Justice League? The JLA Santa Claus? [00:37:17] Speaker B: Oh, man. Okay. The other Santa Claus is just filthy. Just like I Mean, it just like, it just, it looked rad. It just. That was an awesome Santa. [00:37:31] Speaker A: The other one. Yeah. You want the evil Santa Claus. Yeah. [00:37:34] Speaker B: I mean, it would just be a. I mean, it would be the kind of Santa that you would, you would put him up with your, like your Captain Spalding toy. [00:37:47] Speaker A: Okay. I would take the JLA Santa and his massive quads. [00:37:53] Speaker B: Well, you would. [00:37:55] Speaker A: Yep, I would. [00:37:56] Speaker B: And his heat vision. [00:37:58] Speaker A: Yep. [00:37:59] Speaker B: And his bowl of jelly. [00:38:02] Speaker A: Well, it's, that's how he got his massive quads. Now he needs to go in a cutting cycle. [00:38:08] Speaker B: You're like a bowl of jelly. [00:38:15] Speaker A: Well, I mean, geez. So. Well, this is a fun one. [00:38:19] Speaker B: Yeah, it was a fun, fun. Okay. [00:38:21] Speaker A: We have, we have, of course, our normal plugs. We mentioned Ann in the Retro Emporium. Not too late for Christmas. When you listen to this podcast, if you have some last minute Christmas shopping and you're in the Pacific Northwest. [00:38:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:35] Speaker A: She can't send you something when I release this this weekend on the 21st or the 22nd, but you can still drop by the store on Monday the 23rd. And are you open on the 24th? [00:38:46] Speaker B: No, but you can come in afterwards and, and, and shop, shop, shop with your, after your, your after the holidays monies and pick up all those things that, that Santa didn't drop off. [00:38:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Or you could reach out to Ann and see if she has that special thing to send you after Christmas. And there we go. So you can reach out to Ann. It's the Retro Emporium on Meeker street in Kent, Washington. You could also listen to my other new podcast, abs at 50. Abs at 50. Yeah. With, with Jiu Jitsu lawyer Paul. And as soon as Greg gets healed up, he's setting a fitness goal too and is joining in. I understand. [00:39:25] Speaker B: Yeah, that'll, That'll happen after the, the gout has left my body. Oh, the gout is taking me over. And now. [00:39:33] Speaker A: Well, maybe the weight goals will help you get rid of the gout. [00:39:36] Speaker B: I, I don't think the weight goal is gonna make the gout go away. I think the gout is. It's just, it's, it's always there. [00:39:43] Speaker A: It might permanently make the gout go away. It might scare it into going away. [00:39:47] Speaker B: No, no, no, there's no, there's no. [00:39:49] Speaker A: You can scare it by lifting heavy sandbags. No, you could scare it by riding the assault bike, the Aerodyne bike, which is no fun. That's just scary. But you don't have to do all those things. Anyway, join us on the Podcast. Yeah, you can check out the podcast. We've done two. We will have more, but for now, there's two out there, and we get into the goals of the whole project and we get into calories. We. We talk about eating at. Eating anything, but not everything. And you can. You can't eat everything, Greg. You can eat anything, though. [00:40:28] Speaker B: Anything. [00:40:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:33] Speaker B: Go team. [00:40:34] Speaker A: You. You probably drink that coffee that is pooped out of monkeys. [00:40:39] Speaker B: No, I don't. Goatee. [00:40:42] Speaker A: No, let's focus on monkey poop coffee. I learned about this this week. That sounds disgusting. [00:40:46] Speaker B: Yeah, but I don't drink that. That. [00:40:49] Speaker A: I mean, coffee is disgusting in general, but monkey poop. [00:40:52] Speaker B: I don't drink the monkey poop coffee. [00:40:54] Speaker A: I'm sure you do. It's. [00:40:56] Speaker B: I don't drink the monkey poop coffee. [00:40:58] Speaker A: And go. Teen. Yeah, don't pick on my goatee. [00:41:01] Speaker B: I'm not picking on your Go. I just know that you can't do the other protein, so you have to eat the goatin. [00:41:07] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I didn't know. [00:41:09] Speaker B: And now you know. [00:41:10] Speaker A: And. [00:41:10] Speaker B: No, he's had to battle things I. [00:41:12] Speaker A: Learned about the diet. I need more Go. [00:41:14] Speaker B: Which is goat protein. [00:41:18] Speaker A: Or it's like Aqua Teen. [00:41:20] Speaker B: Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But now you're not. You're not hungry because you have Go. [00:41:26] Speaker A: I bet you like that show, too, and that's going to annoy me. [00:41:32] Speaker B: We were all young once, weren't we? [00:41:34] Speaker A: I don't even like articles about postmodernism. I don't watch a show about it. Anyway, tell the man. I sort of did like Doom Patrol, though, under Grant Morrison. So anyway, that's there. But you could see, you could. You could contact Jiu Jitsu lawyer Paul if you need legal services. You can also contact Jiu Jitsu lawyer Paul if you need Jiu Jitsu services. So he's located on 27th in Jackson slash Bridgeport Way in Tacoma, Washington. And you can find him if you go to. I think if you still go to Late Kite Legal or Late Night Legal, you can find him Knight. But yeah, you can definitely just find Paul Boudreau. Look for certified martial arts, certified Jiu Jitsu, and you'll find him. And. Or you come listen to the podcast and you can find him. So he's. He's ready to serve you. I. I saw him reading a book today. [00:42:28] Speaker B: Oh, a book. [00:42:31] Speaker A: Yeah, I know that might surprise you that lawyers read books. [00:42:34] Speaker B: I am surprised. What kind of book? [00:42:38] Speaker A: A lawyer book. [00:42:38] Speaker B: Pictures. Oh, a lawyer book. [00:42:41] Speaker A: There were no pictures. I actually asked him if he wanted to make that into it. I asked him if. I asked him if he wanted to make it into a graphic novel version, and he just looked at me in disdain. [00:42:51] Speaker B: But he could. [00:42:54] Speaker A: And then the last plug I have is, everybody should check out what Travis Webb is doing with Captain America. [00:43:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:04] Speaker A: Not Captain America. 1991. That's crazy stuff right there. [00:43:12] Speaker B: Yeah, The Albert Pullin. [00:43:13] Speaker A: Yep. [00:43:14] Speaker B: Movie. Fresh from. [00:43:16] Speaker A: But he's gonna have an Albert announcement very soon. As soon as Starlight is sent out, we're getting an Albert announcement, so you should be ready for that. Uh, so if you want to find out, you can follow Overcast comics, you can follow Starlight, you can follow Travis. [00:43:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:33] Speaker A: And find out soon. I bet Greg will even tell us. [00:43:36] Speaker B: I. I mean, I'm not. I'm not allowed to tell. [00:43:40] Speaker A: I'm not at liberty to say. [00:43:42] Speaker B: I've been. [00:43:43] Speaker A: I've been sworn to shoot esteemed member. [00:43:47] Speaker B: Of the media, but I can tell you there might be. [00:43:50] Speaker A: He's always the last to know. Even though I have inside contacts at Over Cast Comics, there might be some. [00:43:56] Speaker B: Some Captain America action happening at the retro emporium. Ooh. [00:44:04] Speaker A: Well, there you go. [00:44:05] Speaker B: In the near future. In the near future. [00:44:08] Speaker A: Well, I want to be a Captain America maniac. [00:44:11] Speaker B: You are a Captain America maniac. A cap. A captainac. [00:44:18] Speaker A: Well, good news. [00:44:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:20] Speaker A: And I think that's. That's all the. The plugs today. I found out today a very important thing that I may share later on the podcast, but I saw a commercial with Mr. Wonderful, Paul Orndorff telling me how I can become just like Hulk Hogan. [00:44:39] Speaker B: Oh, boy. And you said. Oh, thanks. [00:44:43] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know. They didn't talk about steroids at all. [00:44:47] Speaker B: Oh, that's so nice. [00:44:52] Speaker A: So, anyway, well, on that note, it's probably time to wrap this puppy up, but Wrap it up. Thanks for joining us. I hope you had fun with our review. And that's leads us right up to Christmas. So after Christmas, Greg, what do you want to talk about? [00:45:09] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. It's a whole New Year 2025 coming at us. Fast and Furious, just like the movie series. So maybe. No, no, no, no. Okay. [00:45:20] Speaker A: Not doing Fast and Furious. [00:45:22] Speaker B: There's no comics. [00:45:23] Speaker A: Anything. We're not doing Fast and Furious. Anything ever. [00:45:30] Speaker B: I. I tried people. I tried people. I tried so hard. [00:45:34] Speaker A: That won't be happening. [00:45:37] Speaker B: Well, I mean, you don't want to read that one book about the cars and the fast cars. The cars? [00:45:45] Speaker A: No, Craig. [00:45:46] Speaker B: Cars that go boom. [00:45:47] Speaker A: I don't. [00:45:48] Speaker B: We like the cars. The cars that go Boom. We're t rocking. No. Okay. So, I don't know. Maybe we need to let our listeners. [00:46:03] Speaker A: All right, well, if anything, listeners, if you have an idea of what you'd want us to cover, uh, you can let us know. And on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Bluesky, you could leave a comment on YouTube. You could like our podcast on YouTube. That would help us. Oh, you could like it in me. You could like it in Apple. You could like it everywhere. You like it everywhere. [00:46:29] Speaker B: All the places. [00:46:30] Speaker A: Yeah. You could also send me the Hulk Hogan workout set. [00:46:35] Speaker B: No. [00:46:38] Speaker A: Why not? [00:46:40] Speaker B: Why? [00:46:41] Speaker A: It has dumbbells, a tape of inspiring workouts by Hulk Hogan, a headband, wristbands, a jump rope, and one of those hand squeezer thingies to make your grip strong. [00:46:55] Speaker B: This is from the 80s. [00:46:57] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It's fantastic. [00:47:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:47:00] Speaker A: I sent it to you. This is what you don't watch. [00:47:02] Speaker B: Okay, I didn't watch it yet. Been sleeping because of the gout. [00:47:07] Speaker A: Well, there you go. Well, you can watch it later, and we will wrap this up. No gout about it. [00:47:14] Speaker B: No gout about it. [00:47:16] Speaker A: All right, I'm done. [00:47:18] Speaker B: I'm crying. [00:47:19] Speaker A: Bye.