Episode Transcript
[00:00:08] Speaker A: We're here.
I'm muting other things. Yeah. This is exciting.
This is the new podcast open. Dan mutes.
[00:00:17] Speaker B: Dan mutes things. Greg clicks buttons.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: Yeah, it's.
It's muting. It's meeting day.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: We're mute. We're going to just.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: There's no.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Do the whole thing. Mute. It's going to be a really interesting podcast where we don't talk.
[00:00:34] Speaker A: Yeah. It's going to be 45 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes, depending on our mood.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: We're going to be John Cage Silence. Not the comic book. John Cage. The performer. John Cage Silence.
[00:00:50] Speaker A: That sounds great.
Sounds like a good podcast. Maybe we should do a video podcast someday.
You have the background for it.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: Only. Only sometimes.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: I have sunshine. I have sun shining on the.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: Your background is like the quintessential what someone that is a comic book historian should have behind them comic books. An amazing poster, spinner rack, all that stuff. That is. That is what one would desire to have.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's not visually appealing, I don't think.
I think I'd be just labeled the Comic book guy and that would be it.
Nobody wants to actually see what comic collectors look like.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: I mean, they see them. That has to be.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: It has to be pretend.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: People would just be like, oh, man, look at that. His background. Is he in a store? Where's he at? Is he.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Oh, we. We will have seen some.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: We will have seen a lot of comic book collectors.
We are going to a.
[00:02:08] Speaker A: My favorites are the vendors that bring their stuff in and then take them and take it.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: Or just bring just all their long boxes to set up, not to sell. Just to go and have a table so they can go and buy a bunch of other stuff. Yeah, I've seen that.
[00:02:26] Speaker A: Yeah. And right now, just fair warning, I apologize. I apologize for the noise. The lawn people next door that I fired from my house have decided to mow the lawn right now with their extremely loud lawnmower.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: They're getting it in before the.
It's. It's the one nice day of the fall season here in the Pacific Northwest before the rain begins.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: They always come at the. They always come at the most opportune times, whenever I don't want them.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: I'm.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: I personally, I want them never to.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Be there, but they have to. They have to come sometime, Dan.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: Well, no, no, I. Because they would show up, right?
[00:03:09] Speaker B: Never on a schedule.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: No, no.
[00:03:13] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: That was not correct. I was walking the dog, and they almost ran over me and the dog twice in their truck and not on my own street. So we were walking through another neighborhood and they were coming. We were walking and they were coming off of a side street and almost hit us and then went up to the lighted intersection and tried to turn left without a left turn light while we're walking through the sidewalk. And another car was going straight.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah.
[00:03:45] Speaker A: So they turned in front of the car and then slammed on their brakes. And I was like. And then they drove into my street. I'm not sure why, because it wasn't lawn care day. And I said, yeah, we're done. He's like, what, you want me to pause for a month? I'm like, no, I don't want you to come back again in the twice.
Like, once. I would be like, okay, twice. Twice in three minutes.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: This is not cool. This is like the world according to Garp.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: No, honestly, it probably was a little bit of a rash decision.
Also, I don't have any grass in my lawn, so it doesn't need mowing.
It's all moss and it's going to become rock. It's going to become rocks.
[00:04:32] Speaker B: It just needs rock care.
I mean, I've got the moss rock thing going on, and then I have a mole sanctuary going on in my backyard. I mow occasionally, and then I just let the moles do their thing because they love it so.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: Well, you get in trouble if you don't have grass.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: I can't put bark down and little trees and stuff like that. So it looks like a nice little garden. My dad was tired of the grass stuff in the front yard when he was alive, so he just decided that it was necessary to have a nice little sanctuary garden and took all that out and just put bark. So I re. Barked it at the end of the summer, and that's how it will be.
[00:05:27] Speaker A: This is a very invigorating podcast. People may wonder what's going on right now as we talk about lawn care. Welcome to Funny Book Forensics.
[00:05:34] Speaker B: It all has a point because we're talking about barking and we're going to talk about the best boy who bark. Bark. Barks all the time.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Oh, boy. Yeah.
You know, they. They did pick the best Green Lantern characters for this book.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: I am so excited.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: Well, we've got. Yeah, well, we are. We've been covering the Human Target and we're all the way to book 10, which is really book 11, but it's book number 10.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: Number 11. Because we had that one interlude because.
[00:06:09] Speaker A: We had Tales of the Human Target. Yes, Tales of the Human Target. And we have a cover here. Oh, yes, we do. We do have a cover here, and it's got Christopher Chance at the bottom with hard liquor, and it's got ginort.
And.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: Um, I, I, I, I don't, I don't, I, I don't endorse it, but they do. If they, if they get an opportunity to, they will, they will lap it up.
They will drink the beer.
They will partake.
[00:06:57] Speaker A: They will partake.
[00:06:58] Speaker B: I know.
[00:06:58] Speaker A: Partake.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: I know. Had a neighbor that they're big fans of the beer. His, his dog would, would constantly run around and knock over beers that were on the deck or patio and steal them when I was a kid. And I always thought it was really funny.
And that dog was a beer fiend. So growing up, it was always fun to watch the dog steal people's beers.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: I kind of liked the drunk monkeys.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Oh, no.
[00:07:36] Speaker A: Yes, they, the monkeys. Like, I saw a documentary on this a long time ago, but the documentaries in vibe and alcohol at the same percentage as humans, right. So I don't remember what the percentages were now. But there are certain teetotaler monkeys, right? They don't care about the alcoholic drinks. There are drunk monkeys, and they'll go steal all of the drinks and get drunk and fall over. And then there's also.
Yeah, and then there's just like regular drinking monkeys who just want a couple drinks.
[00:08:06] Speaker B: I just need a little nip, a little taste, then I'm good. But then there's the swans that are just like, Right, they're, they're, they are, they're going bananas, literally. They're just like, let's go. Raging. Yeah.
[00:08:24] Speaker A: They are. They are definitely raging. Right? Like, it's, it's insane. Well, anyway, yeah, we've got some raging, raging guys here in this book.
And he says by the time we drive home, oh, oh, they must have came home from the desert.
Now how did they get home? Because his car was ruined again.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: It was ruined. I don't know. Maybe I, maybe they got a ride. They called, they called somebody.
Who knows? I mean, blue beetle might have come, picked them up. And the blue Beetle in his, you know, he's, they're resourceful.
That's what I love about comics, necessarily.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Anyway, well, it says they drove home.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: All the wise answered.
Oh. Oh, well, the car was fixed.
[00:09:21] Speaker A: I think. You do. But anyway, it's around noon.
[00:09:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: And they don't have any plans. But then you're Christopher Chance saying, if we wait any longer, it'll be too late. Too late for what?
And ice is, I think, saying there are Other things to do besides drink.
She's like, I could think of a few. So she would just like to hang out in the room? Apparently, yeah. Remember, no cussing in this book, only sex. So the.
They cheer each other to us.
And Ice is like, I think I should fix you. Yeah, I feel like she already did maybe, I don't know, a little bit.
Didn't she take you to the giant ice house?
And then didn't she, like, try to chill him out? Yeah.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: Kind of got him a little bit better. Put him in a better state of mind.
[00:10:29] Speaker A: Well, she's like, you're drunk and you're dying. But then Ice passes out and Chance is letting us know that the. She's drugging her. Well, that's a chance.
That's very Bill Cosby of him.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: But then he leaves and he's like, I'm out of here.
No.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: Okay. It's not Bill Cosby.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: He needs a day for himself. He can't. He's like, we've already gone this route a few times. I need a break. Sorry. Ice.
[00:11:05] Speaker A: By the way, if you're. If. Yeah. If you're offended by the Bill Cosby comment, I'm sorry, but that seat. First part of that scene creeps me out quite a bit, actually. I'm not sorry. That first part of that scene creeped me out like, a bit. Like, I'm dragging her now. Ha.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:24] Speaker A: Putting pops and things. Yeah, Like, I. Yeah, that was weird. Anyway, but he says, I've lived hard enough to know how to live with those. So I leave and go to find Gnord.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: Talking about his regrets.
I don't know why he's suddenly trying to find Gnord without any explanation.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: He's got questions. Gnort has answers.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: I mean, well, since DC Comics presents the Human Target, Chapter 10, then it's.
[00:11:58] Speaker B: Gonna kill G.
Oh, no.
No, it would not be the best comic. Oh, my gosh.
[00:12:12] Speaker A: Look, I love good dogs.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: I love crypto.
He's a good dog. Yeah. Ace the bat Hound. He's a good dog. Yep.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: Not a good dog.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: Not a good dog.
[00:12:24] Speaker B: Oh, come on. Gard is a good dog.
[00:12:28] Speaker A: He's got it.
You know, it's sort of like the dogs I have here. I've got Juliet, the very demure and intelligent and devious dog. And I've got. I've got my other roommate's dog here, Toa. And he's not the brightest, but he is a sweet boy.
[00:12:45] Speaker B: You live with Gnord?
[00:12:49] Speaker A: He's sleeping right here behind me. Yeah.
[00:12:52] Speaker B: He's.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: He's not the brightest boy. He tries to bark at really big dogs.
Yeah. And try to fight them. It's not the smartest thing in the world. He tries to nose other dogs through the fence and get his nose torn up.
[00:13:06] Speaker B: Sweet boy. But.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: He's a sweet boy.
He's a very sweet boy. Yeah, he's a sweet boy, but he just. He gets a little riled up.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: Kind of like. Gets riled up. That's a story.
[00:13:21] Speaker A: Well, yeah, let's find out. So.
And Gnor answers the question I had too. He's like, wait, what do I got to do with anything? Yeah, good thing we're starting with that.
And he's like, you got another beer? Chance asks. And Gnort uses his powering to go get him a beer.
And Gnor goes on. And Christopher Chance tries to explain.
Yeah, thanks to him.
And Gnor says he's an official Justice League of American member.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Talk. Talking about. Well, they're talking about Guy. They're talking about Guy Gardner being missing and stuff. And they can't find him.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: And they can't find him.
But yes, Christopher Chance knows. Get the job done.
One, one. Mr. Gnor. Has Gnor got more of it now?
[00:14:19] Speaker B: He does, because I remember in the, in the previous issue that you had me read, Gnort was a. He was a skinnier Gnord. And this Gnord, he's been, he's been drinking those beers.
[00:14:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:34] Speaker B: Probably eating that pizza. And he's.
[00:14:37] Speaker A: And the pizza.
[00:14:38] Speaker B: Yeah, he's been putting on those, those pounds. Mr. G needs that.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: Now. Do they do. Dogs do age faster.
You would think, though, that his ring wouldn't let him harm himself.
[00:14:53] Speaker B: I mean, it. Maybe it's. Maybe it's just like, oh, hey, he's just, he's, he's enjoying his. Himself. He's, he's, you know, he's doing what? He G has a John Candy body in this book.
He looks pretty.
He does. He's got a John Candy look. And really, Dan, should you be body shaming Gnort?
[00:15:14] Speaker A: Especially when he's looking here at.
I was not body shaming anyone. I just said he's got more of a dad bod than the past. If I could Body shame. If you want. Ignore it. Lose some weight.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: Get with it.
[00:15:28] Speaker A: What's your problem?
[00:15:29] Speaker B: Run some.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: You want some body shaming? We'll get some body.
Yeah, once you get out and walk the dog. I mean, walk yourself or something.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Put the leash on and walk yourself, Gart. Walk yourself.
I mean, I kind of like, I. I like. I think Gnar would like belly rubs.
He looks like.
Just imagine.
[00:15:51] Speaker A: Well, he's got a belly to run.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: You're sitting there. You're Christopher Chance, and you're sitting there, you're like, gosh, how can I get information out of gnord? I feed him more beers. I feed him more pizza. Maybe I had to give some belly rubs. And he sit there and he's like, it's the only way. He's like, I got to give some scritchies. It's the only way I can get this guy to give me the information I need. I've done a lot of things in my life. I've got regrets, but I can live with them. Here it goes. And he's like, okay, G, good boy. Gimme the information, G. And G sitting there and his little legs, like, twitching. It's like, just. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's just fine. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Chance. Oh, Mr. Chance. Oh, yeah, that's a spot. Okay. Whatever you need. Oh, yeah. Let's go. Let's go to the. Let's. Let's. Let's get the ring activated. Okay, let's go. Let's go.
And you know. Yeah, let's go to O. Let's go. And. And Chance is like, man, put that one up there on the list of things that I never thought I'd be doing to figure out who killed me.
[00:16:53] Speaker A: Now. Yes, we've discussed in the past, is it OA or oa?
[00:16:58] Speaker B: You know, OA sounds like something you yell. OA sounds very official.
[00:17:11] Speaker A: OA I think it's oa.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: O.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: I mean, Cap. The problem is comic book script is all capitalized, so I can't tell if it's supposed to be OA or oa.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: I. That's a good question.
That's a good question. And I would expect that you would have the answer, but apparently you don't. Maybe Gnort does.
Not a judgment call.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: I don't think anybody has the answer. It was originally put in print.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: We'll have to go back in time and ask the creators.
[00:17:50] Speaker A: Let's go ask John Broom.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: That's why I said we gotta go back in time. We could ask in time. Dan, we need a time machine.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: Okay, well, all right. Let's do it. We'll go back in time. Just get boost your gold to do it anyway.
[00:18:06] Speaker B: There.
[00:18:08] Speaker A: I don't know if that's the best idea.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: Pre toasted moldy. Should I get you pre toasted bacon tomorrow?
[00:18:18] Speaker A: Do bagels mold. Do bagels mold there's no such thing as a pre toasted bagel, so it's impossible for you to get me that.
[00:18:26] Speaker B: But do bagels.
[00:18:28] Speaker A: You could bring me a toasted bagel.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: Bagels mold. Yes, Bagels mold. But do bagels mold in time?
If you time travel with them, if you bring them back to the time in their inception and then bring forward again, will they mold faster? I don't know.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: If you ever say the word Inception on this podcast again, I'm going to come through the screen and take you.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: Out the creation of the bagel.
[00:18:58] Speaker A: I hate that movie so much.
[00:19:01] Speaker B: I would love if Dan could come through the screen of the podcast.
[00:19:09] Speaker A: I'd be within a dream. Within a dream within a dream. Okay. In another dream.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: Inside of dream right now. Oh, my gosh.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: That movie is so dumb.
We deliberately make movies that don't make sense and then tell the audience they're stupid if they don't get them.
[00:19:25] Speaker B: That's where we are right now, inside.
[00:19:30] Speaker A: Mostly. That movie is annoying because, like, the guy from 30 Rock.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: Which guy?
[00:19:39] Speaker A: Isn't it? Isn't it the guy?
[00:19:40] Speaker B: I haven't seen the movie in a while.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: He's like, not tall.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: The not tall guy from 30 Rock.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: You know this. His, like.
That's a kid. The, like Jack.
Not 30 rock. Not 30 rock. What is wrong with me? Not 30. Not 30.
[00:19:58] Speaker B: Third rock from the third rock from the sun. Yeah. Very different.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: Very different.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: Third rock from the Sun.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: That's a very different, very different, very different show. Not 30 Rock.
[00:20:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Joseph Gordon Levitt. That guy.
[00:20:12] Speaker B: Know him from Inception. Inception or from.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: Inception?
Some of you may know him from 30 Rock. 30 Rock? Never. He's not on that show. Some of you may know him from third Rock from the Sun. Some of you may know him from Inception.
[00:20:38] Speaker B: It's funny when you think about it, though, because Third Rock from the sun was Inception at its finest. They were within a dream within a dream within a dream.
Yes.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: Were they?
[00:20:52] Speaker B: If you watch the end episode of it, honestly, that's the truth of the show itself, Daniel.
The final episodes, you find out that they were. They were always within the dream. They were never aliens. They were just dreaming about it.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:21:14] Speaker B: Go back and rewatch the whole series. It's amazing.
Yeah.
[00:21:19] Speaker A: No.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: And then when he wakes up from the dream. No, he's in Inception.
[00:21:27] Speaker A: Oh, God. That's not true. And you're just. This is just. This is really making me stressed out and angry. Right? Like this. I'm having, like, an anger reaction to this.
This is. This is taking like something I enjoyed and then lying about it and then making it into something I hate.
I don't. This is. Okay, like, so Ghidorah is here.
My brain is now broken.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: So it only took 20 minutes, folks.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: And when your brain is broken and when your brain is broken, the best thing to possibly do is to go to project-nerd.com or follow project Nerd on Facebook. When your brain is broken, that's where.
[00:22:08] Speaker B: You have all the memes and fun stuff.
[00:22:11] Speaker A: In fact, they have memes. In fact, they could probably get you some antidepressants to your door.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: Just click the link and they'll send them.
[00:22:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it's kind of like hims.com except it grows a different part of it.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: Your antidepressant part. Your brain.
[00:22:30] Speaker A: Your brain.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: Your brain.
[00:22:32] Speaker A: Your brain. The.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: The.
[00:22:35] Speaker A: Yes. Where were you going with that?
[00:22:37] Speaker B: That's where I was going. The brain.
[00:22:41] Speaker A: There's plenty of. There's plenty of websites that help you grow other parts of your body with medication. But at Project Dash Nerd, you can grow the best part of your body, your brain.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: I think sometimes people want bigger thumbs so they can play video games better.
[00:23:00] Speaker A: I don't think they want bigger thumbs. And you can't click on the fine points on the phone. Having bigger phones is not beneficial.
[00:23:08] Speaker B: Then the thumb enhancers that I bought don't help.
[00:23:10] Speaker A: Maybe, I don't know.
[00:23:13] Speaker B: I clicked the link. I clicked the link on their site for the thumb enhancers so that I could play video games better.
[00:23:22] Speaker A: Well, you know what we could do with our thumb enhancers? We could turn the page on this comic book. And if we did, we would know that they're going to travel to Oa to find out about Guy Gardner. And then we get the always one page recap of what's happening in the book.
Like ten days ago. Poison, Lex Luthor.
Killers, murderers, assassins, DeForest Kelly. And then that would be.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: That would be awesome. To force Kelly into the book. And you're like, what is he doing here? And he's like, damn it, Chance, I'm a doctor, not a. Oh, wait, I'm a doctor. I can help you.
[00:24:08] Speaker A: He. Yeah, he went back in time, See, and he.
[00:24:11] Speaker B: And he actually cures Chance the.
[00:24:17] Speaker A: Yeah. So the obelisk took them there. Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Well, anyway, the vessel goes through a door with Gnort and they end up on Oa.
No, wrong movie.
That's a different back in time. I was thinking of the really good episode of Star Trek where they went back in time and you brought up Star Trek 4, which is really good in its own right, but definitely not what I was going for. Right. Like, I'm going for, like, the best episode of the original series in my brain, like.
And you're like, oh, Star Trek 4.
Transparent aluminum.
Look at that. That's all we need. You need some transparent aluminum and some whales, and we're good.
[00:25:04] Speaker B: Got to get rid of.
[00:25:04] Speaker A: Get out of here.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: Pumpers of prey.
[00:25:09] Speaker A: Yeah. You know. You know who would have solved the problem better if they just gone back in time a little bit more than going back to the 1980s and they'd brought Dr. Doolittle home.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
[00:25:22] Speaker A: Then they could have talked to any of the strange animals that came back.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: Would have been amazing.
What if they went back a little bit further and they got Chitty Chitty Bang Bang too?
[00:25:34] Speaker A: What? That would be boring.
[00:25:36] Speaker B: Chitty shitty Bang Bang is amazing. What if they went a little further and they got Angela Lansbury with bed knobs and broomsticks? And then they could have had her with them with their. When they're.
[00:25:48] Speaker A: What if they went even further with.
[00:25:51] Speaker B: Them when they were fighting the Nazis?
Right.
[00:25:56] Speaker A: And what if they just got the gaslight. Angela Lansbury, who was.
[00:26:01] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:26:03] Speaker A: The maid.
[00:26:05] Speaker B: That.
[00:26:07] Speaker A: Then they could have had really clean transparent aluminum, and they could have gotten Angela Lansbury to come back, and she could have been played in a show that Nathan Fillion copied years later. And then we still all hate to.
[00:26:24] Speaker B: Say then they could have just had her and she could have solved the crime for Christopher Chance.
[00:26:31] Speaker A: Hey, that's true. She could have actually wrote.
[00:26:33] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:26:35] Speaker A: It could have. It could have been, like. It could have been, like, insane.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: What? Oh, I see what you did there, Dan. Oh, my gosh, people. Did you. Did you expect that twist and turn? Wow. M. Night, Danilon, Slow play.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: Nobody wants that ever.
Mr. Glass is a terrible movie anyway. All right.
[00:27:07] Speaker B: I loved it.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: The.
Well, now they're going to the records room together. Even though Gnord's not supposed to let anybody else.
[00:27:19] Speaker B: Can't let you in, but I'm gonna bring you anyways.
[00:27:23] Speaker A: Yeah. And he said, like I once let Superman, the Man of Steel, and I got a talking to you you wouldn't believe. I mean, they just went off. If you do this again, ignore it, blah, blah. This is your last warning. Ignore it, blah, blah. Can't give you an inch. Gnar, blah, blah. I had to swear up and down on anything they let me hold that I had learned my lesson. It would never do it again. Would never do it again.
And that was Superman, the man of Steel, who's well liked in these parts. It could get a lot worse than Superman. What I mean is, I learned my lesson that day. I sure as heck did. So, you know, make sure you don't tell them I let you in here.
[00:28:04] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:28:06] Speaker A: Drunk Gnar.
[00:28:08] Speaker B: That's why I like Gnar.
He's such a goofball.
[00:28:13] Speaker A: He's an idiot.
He's. No, he's not a goofball. He's an idiot. Like, he.
No. They firmly established in the giffen and dematis verse that ignores just a lovable loaf.
I don't know if I can blame him.
I mean, you know, Dextar, way cooler than Ginord.
Like, the rage cat.
[00:28:41] Speaker B: You think he's better than Gnord?
[00:28:43] Speaker A: You know what I'm talking about, right?
Well, you know, he just. He's just. He's.
[00:28:48] Speaker B: He's awesome.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: He's awesome. Dexter. Awesome. Ginorm.
Yeah.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:28:59] Speaker A: But I feel like Ignore it is well used here.
Like, I mean, it establishes it's a really. Chance.
Chance looking for the weakest link to try to. Yeah. Cover up the crime they committed and get what he needs.
It also shows me, like, a side of ch. Granted, the man's dying, but it shows me a side of chance, like, that really separates the character out from other heroes. Right. I feel like they've been trying to do that throughout the whole series, but just, you know, to continue to distinguish him. He's not just like a dc.
[00:29:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:36] Speaker A: Comic book hero. Right. This guy will do whatever it takes to.
[00:29:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:40] Speaker A: Win.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: He's.
[00:29:43] Speaker A: And he basically. They've established that through the retelling of his origin, like, multiple times. Right. With his dad.
[00:29:49] Speaker B: He's down for it.
[00:29:55] Speaker A: Ginnard does note that they have a really tricky bathroom in there, and it's confusing for him.
And so Christopher Chance gives G the hard alcohol and they retrieve the Guy Gardner file.
And he's like, his whole life's here. Baby pictures.
Andor like, everybody got a file, man.
And then Chance is like, nothing about him dying and ginormous. Like, dying would be there. That record very carefully.
And Christopher Chance is like, oh, and gave. Finished it. He's gone. You finished.
And then he's like, everybody's got a file. Do you have one on me?
This is bad news bears because he gets to relive his life again. I feel like they've told this several times in the series, but I. I like this because it has some impact. Right? Like, it shows he gets to actually See his mom dying in childbirth, which is kind of really creepy.
[00:31:15] Speaker B: It's like all the polar edge you don't want to see.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: He sees his dad.
Yeah. Like, it shows, like, him in his early career and all his disguises. It's kind of cool.
And they go through little green. And they're all green tinted because they're, I guess, all made by the Green Lantern energy, Right? The green.
The. By the power battery. No, the battery. Are they on? Are they on? Well, no, they're not on. Oa. Okay.
So, sorry, I got lost there for a second.
But he sees everything in his file, and he's like, I only have three days. I'm so scared. And G, like, every good boy has fallen asleep on Christ for chance.
So they put the files back and. And they're leaving.
And one of the Guardians of the Universe comes, like, gnarch, what in the name of all the galaxies are you doing in the file room?
[00:32:23] Speaker B: He's in trouble now.
[00:32:25] Speaker A: And G's like, oh, no, I'm sorry. Are there access forms? I did.
And then he vomits all. All over.
[00:32:39] Speaker B: Messes up that rope. Something spectacular.
[00:32:42] Speaker A: And then.
Oh, yeah.
And then the Guardian's like, what, are you inebriated? And then he just knocks the Guardian of the Universe out with a face.
[00:32:54] Speaker B: He punts that little dude.
[00:32:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow, that's cold.
And he's like, universe, like, we should get going back home. I think, you know a fine guy. They find out Guy's alive. Well, I'm so disappointed right now. I'm loving Ginor, but I really wanted Guy Gardner to be dead. I don't think I'd wanted a comic book.
[00:33:16] Speaker B: You're like, oh, this is.
Finding out he's alive is not what I wanted. It was not on the bingo card.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, if we did that whole 1900 number thing again, should Jason Todd live or die?
[00:33:32] Speaker B: Oh, but if we definitely, like, it'd be lit up and Guy Gardner would be gone. Gone.
[00:33:41] Speaker A: Actually, based on current geopolitical politics, Guy Gardner would be voted to live about 76%, 24%.
He's the perfect character for this day and age.
[00:33:53] Speaker B: We should do a poll.
We should do a poll.
[00:33:58] Speaker A: We should do a poll and nobody. We have two people vote. You, I, and two our. Two listeners will vote, and I bet it'll be a hundred percent.
[00:34:08] Speaker B: And then we can have our. Our. That's. Then that. Then we'll make our pitch.
[00:34:20] Speaker A: Well, they go, ah, they go. Are they at store?
Did you just buy him a jar of peanut butter?
[00:34:33] Speaker B: Buy him peanut Butter. Yeah. Pharmacy.
[00:34:35] Speaker A: Oh, they're at a pharmacy. It looks like you bought him a whole jar.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: He deserves it. This is your peanut butter, G. Good job. Yeah, I don't think it's peanut butter, though.
[00:34:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
And they.
And Gnor summarizes the whole adventure by saying, I mean, bottom line is, if you're saving people like I am, how can you have done something wrong?
And we flipped the page, and there he.
At a place called Kevin and Keith's Billiards.
And Guy Gardner even cheats at that and uses his power ring to make himself better.
And. And in his classic Guy Gardner way, says, easy as a hot girl on a cold day.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: Dirt bag doesn't deserve that ring.
[00:35:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Now, one of our listeners was. I believe it was Jason, was very upset at my hatred for Guy Gardner and Nathan Philly. Well, not for Guy Gardner, but for Nathan Fillion.
[00:35:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:53] Speaker A: And I stand by my hatred of Guy.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: I don't like this guy that would play this guy. But I actually kind of like some of the things that he's done in the past.
And I resent.
[00:36:03] Speaker A: I didn't say I liked any of the things that he dubbed.
[00:36:05] Speaker B: I thought you love Firefly and. And Serenity Thought. Those are your favorites.
And.
And you're gonna go back and rewatch all of Castle.
[00:36:23] Speaker A: I'm not gonna watch any of Castle. I'll watch Murder, She Wrote.
[00:36:26] Speaker B: Murder He Wrote.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. That would have been a better name for the show.
Ron Swanson would.
[00:36:38] Speaker B: Okay, we recast it. We redo it and just have Ron Swanson as the lead where he. It's a. It's a small town where he is. He's solving the crimes, and he's an author. I would watch that.
[00:36:52] Speaker A: If that was. If that was the show. I would have watched every single episode.
[00:36:56] Speaker B: He's just sitting there eating bacon and eggs, and then he's just like, ah, gotta write this book, and editors are on me.
People want another one. And then he's like, what, another dead body? Ah, fix this town in the park.
[00:37:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Serious. It would be perfect.
And just. He'd be grumpy. And the little songs in the background.
Yep.
[00:37:33] Speaker B: He's just wanted to walk my dog today.
Yeah.
[00:37:36] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:37:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: I wanted to walk in to walk Gnar today.
[00:37:43] Speaker B: His. His dog's name is Gnort. It'd be pretty funny.
[00:37:47] Speaker A: And, well, Gnort shows up with Christopher Chance at this billiards hall and responds to Guy Gardner. I don't get it. If she's hot, why does that make her easier On a cold day, like, she's already doing okay, temperature wise, despite the cold. I mean, also, just taking a step back, it's not very respectful, I don't think.
And Guy Gardner just looks up. Guy Gardener just looks up and goes, shit.
He's been discovered that the trap is in.
[00:38:22] Speaker B: It's. It's been set.
It's. It's locked in.
[00:38:29] Speaker A: Or Guy Gardner figured. Guy Gardner trapped them, I think.
I'm not sure who did the trapping here. They've discovered that they've been fooled.
And Chance says, hi, Guy. Glad to see you all in one piece again.
And he threatens him again. Get out of here.
And of course, this time it's nice because Guy Gardner here is going to take care of some things maybe.
And we've got.
I don't know.
Yeah, he hits.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: Why would you hit Gart? He's a good.
[00:39:15] Speaker A: He's asking too many questions, and that.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: Pisses me off, asking too many questions.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Guy doesn't like, yeah, Christopher Chance, like, you know, it's a good guy just trying to help. Was that really called for?
And Guy Gardner then is like, are you ready for yours?
And Chance is like, we've danced this already.
And he's like, no ring, no nothing. And then Chance punches him in the nose, punches him again.
And then Guy Gardner, of course, reneges on his promise. He's got, you know, I have no idea. So we're fighting again. I could do without another Guy Gardner. Christopher Chance fight scene. But okay.
And he says, you're going to find out real quick.
And we get some summary down at the bottom of the page. The ring will do what it can when it encounters a threat to the user's life.
That's how I knew a few days back that Guy wouldn't be killed by that truck.
But there's a catch. The ring knows a lot, but it doesn't know everything. If there's something out there ordinary, something like a little subtler than a truck, something maybe unique, the lantern ring can overlook it.
So a new lantern from a new planet spends time with their ring, letting them know about their unexpected vulnerabilities. It's a smart thing to do.
For example, you say you have a severe peanut allergy, which you might find out. Side note in a file about said lantern in the hall of Records.
And your ring would protect you from that if you told them. But Guy Gardner doesn't tell the ring that because he doesn't want to expose his weaknesses. He's such a masculine asshole.
And we find out why they bought the peanut butter, it wasn't for Ginnard at all.
[00:41:15] Speaker B: It was for Guy Gardner.
[00:41:20] Speaker A: And before Guy Gardner is now about to die and choke on himself, Chance reveals an EpiPen and offers it to him.
And then he goes back to the hotel.
And Ice is like, what happened? She's like. He's like, I drugged you so I could talk to Guy Gardner. And she's like, what? Guy's dead?
And he says, nope, you tried to kill him. Told him to hang out for a couple weeks. And she just looks at him with the drink in her hand and says, christopher.
And he says, what is it? Here's to us.
[00:42:10] Speaker B: Oh.
To be continued.
That Christopher Chance doing the dance.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:42:21] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. It's. It.
[00:42:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:23] Speaker B: I mean, I know you weren't excited about this issue, but it really does play out good. It's a. I mean, actually, like you, you joked earlier, because it was, It's. It was.
But it's a good issue. It's.
There's a lot of, A lot of stuff going on in it. There's a lot of, you know, mis, like, mislead and intrigue and stuff like that. And it's, it's got a lot of stuff going on. I really, I really feel like they did a. They did a. Another just out of the park on it again, keeping us engaged.
[00:43:07] Speaker A: The.
The art in this issue is very cool because we get to see Greg Small would draw outer space or at least draw OA right in the hall of records and everything. So it was a departure from the art he's been doing, but not right. Like, it's still the same style, but we get to see that style doing something else, which is really neat.
I love, I love, I love drunk.
Isn't this basically like the.
It. Pete Parker or whatever, like the old.
[00:43:39] Speaker B: Man, Peter Parker just being all kind of drunky goofy.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And dad bought it out. And, you know, I, I, I kind of love this g.
I like this version of Gnor. I think it's, it's written. It's written in a way that's not offensive. Right.
Sometimes I think a bad. I want to say a bad writer, because you could be a great writer. You're just not good at writing a certain character. But I think a writer could take an order and not do a great job just on accident. I don't see it on accident. Just overplaying the whole dog thing.
And I don't think we do it here. I think it's nice and subtle enough, but they're able to illustrate Sort of the dog characteristics, like him drinking the beer and then getting more drunk and then. And he's always been a goofball, and he's not as smart, you know, generally intelligent. I should say so. Yeah. I mean, I thought they did a good job with Ginormous.
[00:44:38] Speaker B: He comes across to me like the friend that we all have. That is.
He's just. He's. He's the guy that is.
He's the. He's the key to certain things sometimes, but he's not. He's the guy you go to for stuff when you need certain things, because he can get you the stuff that you need, but he's not always the best at all the things. And, you know, I mean, that's what people come to me for, because, you know, I'm that guy.
What? I mean.
[00:45:14] Speaker A: I.
Wow.
Wow.
[00:45:17] Speaker B: No, but wow.
[00:45:20] Speaker A: And speaking of a place where you can go for all things.
Yeah. You could see Greg sometimes at a place called the Retro Emporium in Kent, Washington, on Meeker Street.
[00:45:33] Speaker B: You can get all the things there.
[00:45:35] Speaker A: And you can relive your childhood. And you can get all the things.
[00:45:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Who looks like Gnor dad bought it all.
[00:45:45] Speaker A: And if we met you at Grit City Comic Con and you want to talk to us some more, I'm hard to find. But Greg's true.
[00:45:53] Speaker B: You're busy. Busy, Dan, Traveling, man.
[00:45:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm busy, but Greg's right there, so go see Greg at the Retro Emporium.
You can also get Greg's book that he wrote with Michael Tanner, and it.
[00:46:11] Speaker B: Was drawn by Gabriel Zero's Camp Launch Pad. You can. You can go pick up signed copies at Barnes and Noble at multiple Barnes and Noble locations right now because they just. They just took in multiple copies. I signed a bunch of them, and they're going to distribute them throughout the Pacific Northwest and maybe other places as well.
[00:46:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And we're not talking DC. Absolute. It's not absolute Batman. It's. It's absolutely zeros. See, DC stole the whole idea and made a whole comic book line title out of your title.
[00:46:48] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:46:49] Speaker A: Yes. You need to sue them.
[00:46:50] Speaker B: No.
[00:46:52] Speaker A: Sue. Sue Warner Brothers Discovery. Yes.
[00:46:56] Speaker B: No.
[00:46:57] Speaker A: Yes. They shouldn't have stole your idea without permission with that.
[00:47:03] Speaker B: Is that. Is that Judicial Lawyer Paul I heard?
[00:47:07] Speaker A: Don't you have. I think so, yeah. If you need to sue, call Sue Lawyer Paul.
And in fact, he would be nice enough to tell you he would.
[00:47:15] Speaker B: He would say, greg, that's a bad idea.
There's other ones out there, though, that are worth following up on. Yeah.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: Yeah, but not this one, so don't do that. But jujitsu lawyer Paul could. Could help you out. Uh, and then. Yeah, I think that's. We. We said a lot, but not. I mean, this is a shorter podcast, but it honestly was a really good issue. It's one of those issues that moved quickly, and so we didn't have to spend a ton of time talking about it. And it's fun. It's like, read this series.
[00:47:54] Speaker B: Very filling.
[00:48:01] Speaker A: Wow. All right. Usually when you say something's like a meal and it's writing, it's a bad thing. Like. Yeah.
[00:48:06] Speaker B: Oh, no, no, no. I meant, like, you know, and you're.
[00:48:09] Speaker A: Like, it's like a meal. It's.
It's like. It's like a. They're like, yeah, chicken wings.
[00:48:15] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Chicken wings. Could go for some of those right now.
Maybe. I'm just hungry.
[00:48:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:22] Speaker B: Like, quick. Sitting there in here like, I only want five, but then all of a sudden, you're like a 10. And then you're like, could you just throw another order in for me while I'm eating these? Because I'll do, like. Like, 10 more.
[00:48:33] Speaker A: What?
[00:48:33] Speaker B: And by the. By the end of it, I.
[00:48:36] Speaker A: You've not been at a restaurant where I've literally.
[00:48:38] Speaker B: I have been. Yes. And then I was like, I'll. I'll just get 10 more, too. And we're just, like, eating them because it's like. Yeah, it's like the third time we've had chicken wings this weekend because.
[00:48:53] Speaker A: Well. Yeah. Well, on that note, before we get too far into chicken wing cast, we should probably wrap this puppy up. But, yeah, if we did see you at Grid City Comic Con. Awesome. You can keep following us on Facebook X. For now, I'll determine how long I want to stay there. But for now.
And Instagram and. Yeah. Funny book forensics. War. Funny book forensics.
Like, yeah, that's it. I don't know. I don't have anything to say.
[00:49:30] Speaker B: No, we're good. We're. You like us. We like. You keep following us and. Yeah.
[00:49:36] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm reading Infinity, Inc. Right now because some co writer of yours wants me to read Infinity, Inc.
I mean, I've already read it.
[00:49:45] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:49:46] Speaker A: So he's never read it. Now he wants.
[00:49:48] Speaker B: He's like, read it so that he can talk because I want to know. I'm. I'm currently reading Max B's Last Kids on Earth. The. The comic. The graphic novel, basically, like, they took the. The first book of the. The. The novelization. The and turned it into a graphic novel. So kids that want that, that are fans of the book can read that because I hung out with Max Brehler the other day and grabbed his book from him. So it's a fun book.
Fun so far.
[00:50:23] Speaker A: Well, in the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be reading.
[00:50:25] Speaker B: All right. Is that what's in that box right there?
Nice.
[00:50:30] Speaker A: That's the second volume. Yes.
So I mean, he releases them. Carl Key releases them as individual books. But I've got a second volume to read. I also have the individual books I put. I should have read those, but I'm behind. So now I'm just going to read it all at one place.
If you've never read Impossible Jones, it's fantastic.
Just go get it. Find it anyway. All right. Well, that's what we're reading. Hopefully you're reading, too. And it's a good wrap up for another episode of Funny Book Forensics. And we're out. Bye.
